Let it go

A random text…..let it go…..play with your dealer friend…..I am not a nice person…..go live your life…..its better this way……you lost the love I loved the most….be happy be free……

 

I guess I loved you once…..before and after….

Memorys of yesterday…….

Life in music….This reminds me of my Ex…..and my own weakness….somewhere there I lost me…… some of the words still haunt me…in the dead of night….apart from heartless, I wonder at how I got so weak….

One of my fav lines is……”Just remeber that your talking to me though, you need to watch the way your talkin’ to me yo…” somehow I forgot that and I lost myself in that…..so many have come and gone, no one has ever got that close, spoken or treated me that way….I simply will not alow it…yet her…..there is nothing I wouldnt have done.
Now I am back….I am me, cold hard…..you watch the way you speak to me, the way you act around me, wild and out of control…..getting bigger every day….me and my boys…..running the town!

Slightly of point here, I was in Macdonald’s the other day, not a place I visit often, sat in the corner with one of my boys talking business….when in walks the next generation, chavs…..accross from them a family, eating having fun….immediatly there target for intimidation, one of the lads walks over tells them to move….I can smell the fear oozing from the normals….we never upset the normals….loud and brash…they think they own the place….and I can smell the red haze….yet when I stand, step out….its there fear that changes….they know me….they know who I am, what I do and how I do it….silence as they leave…less brash than they came in…..in our game there are rules…..we never upset the normals….and I see I am back….and she has gone from my mind…..yet I look at life a different way….so may be in that messed up game we played….I found something…..the kids look over they smile….feel safe..and I realise being me is not so bad….just that simple smile…..!

Anyway my tune for the day…..

From my car

As much as I dislike our weather, we do get some rare magic moments!

Sunday morning

Weird how winter changes things, some pics of my drive this morning when I got back from work?

sometimes……..

Sometimes…..You just cant run anymore and have to face the truth.

Playing in the shadows……..

Been thinking a little about music, how certain songs remind us of things, sometimes I only have to play a track to be transported back to that place, that memory, that time….its funny how music can conjuror emotion and feeling.

Sometimes you can hear a track and at that moment its right, this one reminds me of me, I seem to be running a little wild of late…..

My post for the week

My post for the week, thanks to a good online friend….I have been thinking about music…things that matter at the point in time I post….so this is somthing reflecting my thoughts at the moment.

I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world
but I’m so lonely I don’t even want to be with myself anymore
On a different day if I was safe in my own skin
then I wouldn’t feel so lost and so frightened
But this is today and I’m lost in my own skin

And I’m so lonely I don’t even want to be with myself anymore

I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again

Thoughts

Sitting in church wondering if really I have any right to be here.
The darkness of me ever apparent!

New year!

The new years here already life falls back into that same old pattern, the promises we made forgotten for another year.
I need to be more active on here, my promise to this blog! At least one post a week, I have been lacking direction of late!

Tattoo

Just had my tattoo done! Loving it!