Winter winds

Slow start to the day, trying to figure a way to break up my routine a little, think about things from a different direction and stop thinking of her.

The alarm went of at 7am, not been in the office for an age and so a 7am start was a shock to the system. My morning smoke was met by a barrage of rain, it almost feels like winter once more.

Today went surprisingly well, had a text message from her, in my response I asked how she was, to be greeted by silence, not even dignified with a response, I should have known better.

As the day progressed, I stormed up the daily print to finish top on the department, with strong options, I forgot how good that felt, I guess I had been letting things get to me more than I thought. Even the big boss came to make a comment on my position…..”Glad to see you still have it!”

Just been for another mega work out at the gym, my body still aches from yesterday, but it eases the pain inside my head as I try to figure things out, work my way through this, try to find some glimmer of light in the endless darkness, something to hold on to….after all every story has two sides…….!

I am starting to wonder if there is any real hope left in this world, or is everyone just out for what they can get, regardless of who they hurt, or what they do. I may do some bad things, I may play a dangerous game at times, but we always have rules, we never touch the normals, even when occasion arises and we have need to.

I wonder more about me, the definition of who I am,I  question myself, may be it was me after all, may be I wasnt good enough, may be I lack something…..and I know this is all crazy, and I know that it was all lies…..and still I kind of want to find something to hold on to…something to break this…..but I know I am clutching at straws.

I can feel the dull and lingering ache inside my muscles now as the grueling session at the gym kicks in, I almost welcome the pain.

It feels like an age since I laughed…….It feels like an age since I saw the sun……!

Back in the office tomorrow, it kills the time and clears my mind a while.

 

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~ by Duma Key on August 26, 2011.

3 Responses to “Winter winds”

  1. I have been wondering how to write to you since your offer – – you just said something that made me feel as though you might actually be able to know where I have always been…

    “we never touch the normals, even when occasion arises and we have need to”

    *blink*

    I am not sure I have ever found someone else who is able to accurately define the distance that exists before…

    This isolation is unlike any other.

    *is thoughtful*

    She didn’t deserve you.

    M.L.

  2. P.S.?

    I would like to submit that – every story actually has THREE sides.

    What She says,
    What He says,
    Then… what truth lies between them.

    Who decides the truth is still a question best left for wiser minds than my own – I only know that I have never once been right 100% in my life and now know that I will never be.

    (No matter how I feel I have been wronged or disregarded)

    I – just wanted to share that with you in case you wanted to think about it.

    When you let yourself include that third story – that version that might vary from both?

    It gives you a freedom to forgive what you are not always able to understand looking at a thing from your own perspective.

    *shy*

    so – ya…

    Just sayin.

    M.L.

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