And some time’s it snows in April….

This crazy UK weather is effecting my mood, one day its hot, then the snows fall from the sky, and wow did they fall.

Once I am up then I am down, sometimes the darkness  of my thoughts even scares me, who was I ? who am I? and what am I to become?

A reflection of this crazy world? Who knows? Crazy weather, crazy mind?

It was the twins 16th birthday this week, the day flashed past in my diary and nothing was more important, yet nothing so far away, a silent thought….a memory lost, I will never know if I did the right thing there, but I did what my heart told me to do, despite how much it hurt and my understanding is there is a happiness now, that my presence would have only ruined.

I prey to a God that I do not understand, that one day they will understand, I never wanted to let any of them down, I just had to stand up and do what I thought was right….after the darkness that was my life before.

They were never blood of my blood, but they always felt like it, the more I grew to know them the more they mattered

Every moment every second matters,nights on the sofa, runs to school, hockey playing, little E and I watching a film, breaking her Easter egg to share with me….

And my mind is very dark as I write,

I just hope they don’t make the mistakes I made….If I could do it all again, despite the hurt……I would play that time back over and over…..!

Time moves the world spins and we live and we learn…..I was the child who stuck its fingers in the fire….to learn that it burns!

There is no right or wrong…..just tomorrow!

And the Ghosts of my yesterday, that perpetually  plague my mind!

Life is stages…. The first house was big….it was my “S” LOOK I WILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU EVER NEED, THE KIDS….ANYTHING…. but the reality is she never loved me…..

The next move…..a reality check….I hurt so badly, it became the step from monster to me……my penance and my hurt.

The next move…is me, no mask, nothing but the face of who I am!

Stages of life…..I never used to love, I never used to hurt….but now I do?

Would I exchange that?…..not ever!

And sometimes it snows in April!

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~ by Duma Key on April 29, 2016.

One Response to “And some time’s it snows in April….”

  1. Even though we know we have to move forward or that deep down we know we did the right thing….there are those days…when something triggers a memory and we rethink it…wonder…

    We all do it I think…wonder…what ifs…

    Thing is…we make decisions and choices in life and we have to stick to the decisions we make…move forward…shovel the snow and clear the path so to speak…

    BTW…it really does snow here in April where I live…lol…

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