Today and Yesterday….some thoughts

It’s been a while since I last came here, sometimes its difficult to keep your head in a world that essentially has gone insane, but that’s a whole other blog post!

In my absence from Blogging / Facebook / the whole online world, I have been focusing on making changes to my life, the time I would have spent online I now spend running and to be fair I enjoy that time so much more!

I have also inadvertently found a house, that I love and am in the process of buying, I never intended to move from here, but there was something about this house, so I threw an offer in and it was accepted!

Suddenly the world of dependency opens up…..I was dependant upon the bank to offer me a new mortgage, dependent upon the company I work for to continue my employment, to get the mortgage, dependant upon over priced and rather slow solicitors to sort the relevant paperwork…dependant upon society! Too many factors outside of my control.

Modern life requires dependency whilst offering no real security, its existentialism in its purest form, a way we make sence of the lack of real reason or point and provide purpose in the meaningless.

Things in the world are the way they are, society is and there is nothing I can do to change that, however I can limit the dependency factors, so currently I am studying a course that will add to my degree, once completed it will enable me to work in a slightly different area, though I will need to “sell my soul” for a year or two, till I have built a base of contacts and required experiance….I can then become independent, create my own business and just work for me, without dropping the silly money I am currently paid!

I think I will be happier this way, working for me, doing something I enjoy but only pulling the margins I need, not what I can get from the market, earning the money but focusing more on the needs of my clients….just providing a real-time, real priced human service!

I am a far cry away from where I was years ago, a whole different person, I understand myself much better and I see the different shades in life, in who we are so much more differently than once I did and that I think I owe to a girl I used to call “the light,” someone I let down, who gave so much but expected nothing, I will never forget the day I caught her on the bed eating chocolates and I knew in that moment, even before she did, that I had let her down, I had become that moth drawn to her light.

There are people in life that change the course of things, that girl will do that on and on, not only through her, but the people she meets……like a line of candles, she lights one and the rest start to light.

I gave her nothing but hurt, yet she gave me so much, there is nothing I can do to change that other than spin the light and light more candles and hope that in some way I can redeem the injustice of my actions.

If it wasnt for her ….a whole other story!

So my parting thought for today…..dependecy upon a world that has become so lost, so much hurt, so much hate, so many lives lost….we can not change yesterday, may be not even today but through each small action done we can change tomorrow, a smile, a kind act….something posative globally we can make a difference.

I have always believed in a “God” and I hope that when the day falls the incomprehensible “God” will forgive me for the darkness in which I walked and caused and that I can redeem myself through the actions of today……

I am trying to be a better at life!

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~ by Duma Key on April 14, 2016.

3 Responses to “Today and Yesterday….some thoughts”

  1. Thanks Duma for sharing your thoughts. This produced some light to my otherwise very dark day. Keep lighting those candles, dear Duma. I’m glad to have been one today.

    Peace, Light and Love
    CordieB

  2. Good to see you back Duma.. And even better to know you are doing so well.. 🙂 God/Source is all forgiving.. It is we who have to let go of punishing ourselves.. Let go of guilt, and learn to forgive our actions.. Remember we are only human.. That is part of why we are hear.. Learning. Being tested..

    I would say you have be more than tested along your journey Duma.. But oh how wonderful it is to see the corner you turned that was so long in getting around..

    I said I knew you were going to be ok.. You are.. And you will be..
    We now have to let go of the past, knowing it was there to set us upon our future one..
    And Live in the Now of all our tomorrows.

    Great to see this post from you..
    And so pleased you have given the elbow to FB some place I never joined or wanted to.. 🙂 And pleased you are embracing Running and adding to your Degree ..

    You do not need me to wish you Luck.. Because I know you are now creating your own..
    Keep Manifesting Duma.. I am so so proud of how far you have come and how much you have grown..
    Love and Blessings

    Sue

  3. I enjoyed reading this….so many new things opening for you and opportunities…new home…moving forward….forgive yourself for the past and look ahead…nice stopping by to read you again…

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