Too much hate……the green eyed monster! 

There is way too much hate in the world today, everywhere I look, someone hates something or someone! 

Hate, like a little green monster, sucking out the fabric of reality, feeding on our very existence.

It consumes us, we forget who or what we are, it bends the rules driving even the most sane insane!

It’s hard to fight, when it hurts, that real biting internal pain, it’s easy to focus the mind on the pain, to invite the hate in…..to feed it, let it fester and for a while it works….but that’s the trap….like a drug…..it becomes addictive…..and draws the very life from your lips!

I had my own personal battle with hate, may be I had reason, may be I didn’t, may be I just wanted that hate, to fill the empty space! 

That pain f@cking hurts and hate like a leach smells the blood…..draws itself, like a faulse God, offering promises it can never fulfill.

I had to fight hard to get through that cloud, I didn’t want to tarnish all those good times, I didn’t want to bleed myself dry……but I had to fight this one, hard and fast…..and it hurt like nothing I ever felt before!

Nothing kills that pain, that deep internal pain, the mind f@ck!

Somehow I pushed through it, like I just pushed through a 10 mile run, in the wind, rain and bitter winter cold……because I want to be better at being me!

I used to stain every heart that I used to heal the pain……

Now I want to kind of heal the hearts!

She was my defining moment, a girl I saw but refused to see, I wanted that happy family, the children that life……I wanted her……and every moment I spent (always borrowed time) with her and those amazing children…..was like catching diamonds in the rain!

Those moments, that time, lost now in old photos, memorabilia I keep in a tin, were defining moments in my life!

How could I let hate destroy that? So I let it destroy me…..to rebuild myself and become more than a shadow! 

Sometimes memory slips like water from my eyes, but I stand more than a shadow but not a full whole!

I hope that time bounced her path, and sometimes I imagine catching a glimps of there happy ever after……that story needs a happy ever after!

Even if  I stand a shadow as time swallows me….that will always be a defining time……

Hate……not a part of who I am today, no right or wrong between our time……but I am glad I got to share a small part of it! 

Like I said, too much hate in this world…..and I have no plans to add to it!

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~ by Duma Key on November 29, 2015.

3 Responses to “Too much hate……the green eyed monster! ”

  1. With events over the past few weeks…in Paris….here today in California…another mass shooting…there is too much hate…way too much…I cant imagine feeling that kind of hate in my heart….it takes away all beauty that each moment of life surrounds you with…I think you were right to say you would not add to the hate…we really should only look in front of us and not back…open our hearts…coz you are right….too much hate in this world….big hugs

    • Just got so crazy, it seems we want to answer this horror with more violence, no matter how many bombs we drop, not matter how many lives are lost, we will never gain ground this way! History shows us, time and time again violence never solves violence. Very disappointed with the UK’s “elected” government deciding to bomb Syria how many more innocent life’s have to be lost? Who are the terrorist’s ……spin it round…..innocent life’s still lost on both sides of the coin! And why are people buying oil from these extreme groups? Crazy crazy world, though I wish I had my own children ….in a sad way I am kind of glad I don’t …..because what are we leaving for those children !

  2. Hi Duma..
    sometimes we and the world have to experience the hate, and heart-ache.. You battled through and saw how that hate was destroying you.. And you picked yourself up and saw a better way.. a more peaceful way, a way which embraced love, kindness, and forgiveness… even if sometimes the last of us to forgive is ourselves..

    I know the journey you have been on.. And the world is also upon a journey.. struggling through the emotional bodies that are so confused and fearful right now.. That they lash out in anger, hatred, and prejudices Seeing themselves separate and self important..

    I have said it before.. It always appears darkest before the Dawn Light.. and that darkness may appear to be upon us.. But it is the lightness of Compassion that will spring up and warm hearts and bring unity.. Have faith in the Plan.. for their is one, even though it appears chaotic.

    Wishing you and yours a wonderful Christmas Duma.. Enjoy your togetherness of family and friends and loved ones.. Enjoy your NOW of Moments.. as you learn that the past brought you to the Present.. The best Gift there is.. So live in thankfulness for that girl who didn’t see you for who you were.. It was her loss, Your gain for it made you who you are today..

    Love and Blessings
    Suehttp://i215.photobucket.com/albums/cc209/DREAMWALKER_05/Christmas/Christmas-Baubles-1.jpg

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