Cold November Rain

Not all friendships are meant to last forever,

But it’s what they leave behind that lasts a life time.

Cold November Saturday morning, running through my now normal routine of cleaning, washing, sorting, not really in the best frame of mind, when Kay unexpectedly appears at my door.

I can tell from the look in her eyes, beyond the painted smile, that something is not right.

We end up driving to Cleethorpes for fresh fish and chips and there in the cold November rain we sit on the beach and discuss our friend Crazy Carla-Jayne.

Neither of us has talked much about her since the funeral, for me it’s been hard because of the way she took the end, every time I think of her, I see the coldness, the red waters and the isolation.

For Kay, it’s the guilt, they were close, but Carla-Jayne never shared the depth of her desperation, but then so many of us never do.

We sat for what seemed like hours on that beach in the cold November rain staring out over the endless crashing waves, remembering her not at the end, but all the times before, our crazy off the scale friend.

As the wind blew and the waves crashed, I could almost hear her laughing in the shadows of that cold winters day.

“Look at that pair of tw@ts, sat on a beach in this weather, eating fish and chips and not a bottle of vodka in sight”

As the afternoon progressed we walked along the beach, in the cold and the damp winter winds and we talked, in a way I have never done before, we shared our thoughts and our feelings, we discussed our younger days, when we knew no better, but thought we knew it all, we talked about Crazy Carla-Jayne, sharing stories of her often too wild antics.

And we talked about ourselves, the things that hurt and cuts us, the thoughts we hold most close, I talked in a way I had never done before about “S”, the kids and the impact that whole train crash had on my life.

Kay talked of her situation, her feelings, her life and the things most deep and in those hours on that beach, in the cold November rain, I have never felt so close to another human being in our solidarity we became transparent, reflecting our souls like mirrors.

That’s how we choose to remember Crazy Carla-Jayne, I think that’s how she would want us to remember her.

Later back at mine we share a bottle of vodka, but end up drinking coffee and watching films cuddled up on the sofa.

We spent the night together, in the same bed, the first time I have ever had a girl in my bed without some kind of sexual contact!

As I write this I can almost feel Carla-Jayne disbelief!

So its Xmas eve, piles of unwrapped Xmas stuff lays around me but it’s not important. Though I have managed to get invited to 3 Xmas dinners (that sort of thing only happens to me!) Kay and I are voluntary working at the Homeless Shelter because sometimes it’s important to give back and it’s something we feel we need to do.

Friendships are not always meant to last forever, but what’s left behind lasts a life time.

My closing thoughts for today, we have to remember the things that matter, the moments and the people and every person, every life we interact with matters and is important in its own way.

Through these interactions no matter how significant or insignificant they seem to be at the time, we have to remember that life will spin on and on in its own way and the impact we have will last a life time, so we have to do better, we have to remember that each life each moment someone chooses to share with us, is so precious and rare and treat it with the highest respect.

It’s not about yesterday, but today, it’s not about the sins of the past but what we do with the ever evolving patchwork of the future.

So I hope that Xmas is good for all who continue to read my crazy thoughts, despite my up and down blogging style!

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~ by Duma Key on December 24, 2014.

2 Responses to “Cold November Rain”

  1. Duma… you brought tears to the eyes of a Dreamer… May Carla-Jayne forever keep smiling down upon you, as she escaped in the only way she knew how.. And may your friendship with Kay hold its bond in your mirrored thoughts.. And I thank you on behalf of those who can not say thank you, for giving up of your time to help others at this time of Giving..

    You have come along ways in a short while.. and I for one am Proud to know you and have felt privileged in sharing part of your journey with you ..

    Happy Christmas Duma.. May 2015 expand your horizons through Love and Gratitude.. Peace and Joy..
    Blessings Sue

  2. Beautiful share….Merry Christmas and I hope its a lovely day for you….may the new year bring us all something new and wonderful to our hearts…big hugs

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