Cutting strings and Sunday Rain

Sunday morning, the rain pours from the sky and I am sat in the conservatory drinking coffee and eating breakfast, listening to Savage Garden “To the Moon and Back”

There are no children running riot,no demanding girl, nothing but me, the music and the rain drops beating on the glass.

I am listening to music I like, drinking coffee freshly ground, because I like that, eating food I chose and for the first time in a long time I felt content, at ease with me.

Today, doing a favor for a friend some rather nervous girl, who I had been innocently talking too came back with her mobile number on a bit of paper, in case I wanted to meet for a drink.

Ok she is not my type of girl, far to pure but it was nice to feel valued, I have not felt that in a while.

A little later talking to another stall holder, who felt the need to point something out (something I already knew), not because it needed pointing out, simply to try and stick a knife in, get a reaction to the past, basque in the misery, as a self pleasing desire to fill a hole in a half lived life……and I am seeing that I am not the broken one….not the one sat in a web waiting to catch prey…..to delight on the misery of another…..and my response was….”How about I trash your little toffee shop, give you something real to cry about?”

Suddenly I am me again, Not perfect, but at least I give myself, when my friends need me I am there to wipe away the tears, to listen, to offer my thoughts with no strings, no need to play a game. When a stranger falls before me, its not reach for the phone and make an online video…..its stepping in to help….help make it better.

I want more out of life, I never thought I was entitled to this, but I want a girl that I can love with the whole of me and that knows me…..the dark and the light, and I never thought I would say this but I want my own children, hell I even want to get married……commit myself to one girl, to see her smile and see her cry and every step of every day be right there by her side, as a whole as me….and so I grew up in a violent dysfunctional household, when I was very young I have some memory’s of my “real”  “Dad” climbing into my bed…..I have always haunted myself with the dark I grew in… worried the sins of the past would replay through me.

But guess what? I am not that person…..I will never be that person….may be that blood runs through my veins, and yer my temper is wild, I am not a guy you mess with…..but there is no way, I would ever do what I saw as a child to anyone, let alone my own children……!

So later in the evening and I am listening to Adele “Set Fire to the Rain” because I like that tune, having a beer, because today I feel like a beer  and writing a blog because I want to write a blog…..

I have a name again……and it aint “Bob” and I am a wild child, because that is who I am, and no I refuse to make excuses, and I refuse to play silly games…..but come to my door, come as a friend or just seeking help and I will always do what I can, for no other reason but because that is who I am.

Cutting strings…….I dont need, want or have use for them!

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~ by Duma Key on November 23, 2014.

2 Responses to “Cutting strings and Sunday Rain”

  1. I like that guy….smiles…I do believe you will find what you seek one day…but umm…mind if I ask what you mean by “too pure””…lol

  2. Welcome to your reflection Duma.. and as Summer says that girl is on the horizon.. Keep picturing her, she is there.. Drop the ‘I want’ remember the Universe gives us what we ask for.. so will keep you ‘Wanting’ if we keep saying we want..

    But who knows.. you have that number in your hand.. Who says anyone is ‘Pure’ or too Pure?.. It jumped out at me just like it did for Summer..

    Maybe she has her closet of secrets too? 🙂 And remember we meet people for a reason..
    Glad you are feeling in a more contented place..

    The Rain does that… sort of cleanses … Love Savage Garden.. 🙂 too 🙂

    Have a brill week.. as you cut the strings and weave new ones..

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