So beautifully unfinished……..

Working a mix of nights and days, my body clock is a complete mess, constantly on my down time I wake at 4am and lay in bed watching films as the hours slip by, only feeling the need for sleep when the alarm kicks in?

Its unseasonably warm at the minute, it feels wrong out there, like something is out of balance.

Winter months are always the hardest, particularly the last couple of years, most of my time is spent in darkness only sleeping as the sun begins to rise.

Its seems alright but only when we live in pieces, but pieces fall apart.

I had a dream today, a dream I didn’t want to wake from, I didn’t want to return to the reality, when I woke I wanted to catch that dream and hold it as once I tried to do elsewhere in a whole other life.

Finding balance at the minute is difficult, I surround myself with people that balance me. Crazy days I seek out the stable ones, stable times I seek the crazy ones, but since Carla-Jayne the whole dynamic of our group has changed, the reality we face each and every day shattered and we are left with broken fragments of the pieces we once were.

It’s like all the strings have snapped, become irreparably broken and now nothing fits as once it did.

We are all considering change, looking at the mistakes of yesterday, the choices we made, the things we did or did not do, the things done or left undone and wondering if we could have done them better, but if we had that chance, would we change what once was?

Can we ever really change? Or are we static in who we are?

Can we get better at living? Being people? Better at our own humanity? Or do we just end up only realising the darkness of our very souls when the strings all break and there is no way back?

Can some cheap little tart who spent her time popping out kids she cares little for nor can afford, suddenly move into a private house and become a whole other person? Have a whole happy new life as someone else? Is it just a change of image? Or a shift of person? Is there really in any reality in the image?

Can I suddenly wipe away the sins of yesterday and make them right in the actions of today? Is there a whole inter winding map of futures yet to play out?

Can the cat be both alive and dead at the same time?

Is life just beautifully unfinished? Over and over again beautifully unfinished pieces of a whole we will never truly understand.

I stopped so running long ago and now I don’t even know where I am? Beautifully unfinished? Or just an empty space?

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~ by Duma Key on October 30, 2014.

4 Responses to “So beautifully unfinished……..”

  1. Change is constant.. Nothing stays the same.. no matter how often our minds perhaps revert back to hold onto the past or a memory.. Not to change means we become stagnant and stale.. And Yes we ALL of us Change..
    This is the time of Change.. We evolve and grow as we experience.. Perhaps some experience much more in one life than another person.. To me this means that their progression is growing at a faster pace..
    I feel the hard trials in life- the tests we are put through offer us those steps of changing who we are.. And learning to dig deeper to discover our true selves.

    I am no longer who I was last year.. So yes your X can change… She may want to change.. And So too are you.. You are ‘Seeing’ and ‘Feeling’ instinctively..

    Would you have commented a few years ago on how even the weather is changing as you said ” Its unseasonably warm at the minute, it feels wrong out there, like something is out of balance.”..

    The Key word here is BALANCE.. You feel out of sorts as your balance is out of sync .. And we are all of us searching to find that balance..

    Many of us seek it externally. Some do Drugs to get a high… others drink alcohol to reach oblivion..
    We can not escape our own ‘Unfinished selves’ .. Until we sit down and and we have pulled ourselves apart and then put ourselves back together again…
    It takes time Duma as we search for those missing pieces to slot into place..
    But you are getting there… Take strength in Knowing.. You are on the cusp of letting go..
    We always revisit and pull up the old.. then we need release it in order to allow us to move forward and bring in the new…
    These dark days of winter are a test…. Keep things Light.. Light a candle.. bring in positive affirmations… SING! … Use Music to lift your mood…..

    Look up Abraham Hicks.. and watch a few Youtube vids… I mean it… And listen to the messages to help you manifest.. 🙂

    You are a beautiful soul… Just believe it and shed a skin … 🙂 I have shed many… Now I am the most comfortable that I have ever been… Yet even now I know I still have more shedding to do…

    Happy Halloween.. 🙂
    Sue

    • Winter months are always dark, I am trying to balance that by working days as well as nights.
      But I think you are right we need balance, but balance to who we are, a way to cast light in darkness and darkness in light…..to see the good and the bad and navigate the path.
      We also orbit each other, Kind of figuring its like spheres on differing orbits, some on higher some on lower.
      New girl and I worked for a while, but her orbit was much higher than mine, she opened the door to my next level, as much as we wanted, we could not work……she was higher than I……so now we have a beautifully unfinished friendship…..and a star…..a place I aim to find.
      As for the EX. x is too simple as its never a cross out, may be she chooses to change may be not…..but my cycle there has broken long ago and was never a figure in my post…… kind of says much about how I think……whilst saying nothing…..what is done is done, simple we cant hold on just move on.
      It feels much like the world is out of sync at the min, this warm weather…..but you are right in balance….may be candles…..may be music…..whatever…..I need to find that balance.
      Shedding skins…..I like that thought a lot!

  2. Sue kinda says it all dont she….smiles here…I can only add a quote I know…Without change there would be no butterflies….

    sometimes something bad happens to remind us all….enjoy each moment…be kind…love…forgive and mostly…instead of just getting through each day….LIVE each day….

    even when the days are weird… out of balance….kinda like my checkbook that I havent balanced in oh….like six years….do people even do that anymore??

    sometimes Duma…your thoughts run so deep…I am always afraid to let mine go so deep….the losses we struggle with…all the hurt around us…I think my heart would break….I do sit and cry sometimes at some of things happening around us…but I cant dwell long in that sadness…I feel it but then I wrap myself around something else…my daughter…my dogs…friends…maybe thats how we deal or I do anyway…I just hug a little tighter….or I give a little more to someone who doesnt have much…and for those I have lost…I planted tulips for my niece…in a local park…there is a bench there under a tree and each spring when they burst forth with color…I sit for a few moments…breathe them in…and feel her…I dunno…it helps…makes me smile a moment….course I always see her in the butterflies too…I always know she is there….flying beneath their wings…

    anyways….at some point….gotta put light in the shadows….hugs ya

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