Winter thoughts.

Winter is almost upon us once more, it hardly feels like long since summer came, almost over night Autumn seems to have set in.

My mood is still quite dark, I cant seem to shake this cloud off, some days I just don’t feel like doing anything at all. I have pretty much spent the last few days watching films and drinking beer, neither of which is a good thing!

I seem to have lost any form of routine from my life, the only time things are structured seem to be when I have things to do for other people, although I have begun to try and avoid that, trying to avoid going out at all if I can help it.

There is no real reason for this black space I have found myself in and I need to find away to break the cycle, a way to bounce back up, too much time alone with my own thoughts is not a good thing.

2:30am this morning I awoke, only feeling the need for sleep as the alarm kicked in at 8am but at least today I am out doing something for a friend.

There seems to be so many problems in the world, so many broken people and I cant let myself become like that, otherwise what would the point have been?

My next-door neighbour is irreparably broken, her solution to life is to drink and when I say drink, I mean to a point of no return, the other day at 3:30 in the afternoon, I found her passed in a drunken slumber on the patio.

I have tried to help her, but to no avail she simply wants to fill the void with drink and that is the choice she made.

For years she was in a violent and abusive relationship, now finally free, instead of filling herself with life, she fills herself with drink and relives the horrors and the abuse she once faced and festers in hatred, anger and regret.

The only way to survive in the labyrinth of life is to forgive, to let go and to move onwards, time not spent this way becomes squandered time, lost for all eternity.

Sometimes I wonder if people realise the damage they can do, when they enter another’s life. May be relationships are just not worth the risk.

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~ by Duma Key on October 12, 2014.

4 Responses to “Winter thoughts.”

  1. I’ve asked myself the same question many times over the last few months. I made myself crazy with the thought of why after so long did I open up my soul and share my secrets just to have them ridiculed and held against me in ways that the person knew would hurt most. Sometimes I think the problem with people like us is that we spent so long running from love because we did not understand the concept completely is that when we finally stop and try and learn to love, we love too much, our feelings are pure but broken. We tend to think more deeply, care harder than most and people don’t understand it. Thinking of you old friend!

    • Strangely enough I have been wondering about you, your comment has brightened my night a little at least, I have missed your posts and your words, in someways we walk the same road, different spheres, but always the same way, you are like the unforgotten girl in an oft forgotten world!

      • I check back here sometimes just to see how you are doing, my words don’t come much anymore – I tried tonight but my post was just a snippet of everything. You seem to be growing and learning and changing my friend. Funny how a bond formed with words so long ago can still move me. I like to know that your out there somewhere and I’m not always alone in my thoughts.

      • Tried to reply to your post, then was told to log in? I wish I could catch you miss not so forgotten girl, save you from the darkness I have seen, so much I have wondered about you…..missed your posts……like a mirror to me, you may think you are alone but as life spins you echo in my mind……and oft I wonder about you ! Always drop me an e-mail if you want to talk !

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