Ramblings !

The transition back from days to nights has not gone down to well, I have spent most of the night fighting the urge to sleep and now finally when I should come home to sleep, I am finding myself wide awake.

My mind is still lost in Camus and the concept of becoming self aware, almost like waking from a dream, pulling out of the matrix.

It was easy self justifying once long ago, forgetting the things, that prick the soul and self justifying my own actions, always the special case, always the one wronged by life or circumstance, always an excuse to avoid the judgment. Yet these thinks keep me awake now, Plague my mind.

The most natural idea for mankind, the one that comes naively, as if from the depths of ones’s being, is that of ones own innocence. In this respect we are like the little Frenchman in Buchenwald who insisted on trying to lodge an appeal through the clerk, himself a prisoner, who had registered his arrival. The clerk and his friends laughed “useless, old chap. There is no appeal here.” “But, you see, Monsieur,” said the little Frenchman, “mine is an exceptional case: I’m innocent!”

We are all exceptional cases; we all want to appeal over something! Each demands to be innocent, at any price, even if our being so means accusing the human race and heaven.

How easy it was to forget my own transgressions, replace it with another view where transgressor becomes victim. Self justification, not my fault, all down to circumstance.

Tell the criminal that his crime is not imputable to his nature or his character but to unfortunate circumstances, then he will be fiercely grateful it’s a question of escaping judgement.

Self justification that’s something I need to figure away a round, instead of justifying, accept the judgment of the choices I made and then look at how I can do it better and not make those choices again.

Meaning is cloudy on my words as it is in my mind, but as I look around I see this self justification in everything and everyone and I don’t want to be like that, but to set myself aside, above or below, results still in self justification…..like a catch 22…….!


~ by Duma Key on June 28, 2014.

4 Responses to “Ramblings !”

  1. Nows see I justify my decisions and choices before I make them….I overthink things to the point I sometimes cant make a decision…some say its because I am a Libra and I am like a scale…weighing each side…I do it with everything….how I look at people….things…I see the good and the bad….my mind sometimes never stops…then I will remember what my mama used to tell….just make a decision and make it work…whatever the outcome…good or bad….just do it…and stick with it…

    We all justify our choices whether beforehand like me or after we make them….but your are right….would be nice to find ways to to make it better and make better choices…but I think thats why we have choices to make…to learn from them….to become stronger people…to help others when faced with similar situations…perhaps??

    I am off soon and to bed I go….a wedding to attend later today….love weddings and the looks of love on faces…will be fun…it is the girl that sang at my wedding and the cello player from my wedding….I cant wait…

    Enjoy your weekend….

  2. Ramblings is good, I often ramble within my own mind within a sleepless night.. None of us are without fault Duma, We each have parts of our lives we wish we could rewind, take back, stop and record over with a newer brighter ending . But what is done is done.. moving, learning and growing from them is what we do… Its why mistakes or are they mistakes are there… ( Mistakes are so we learn from them )

    None are perfect.. least of all me… if I were, I would not be in this human body within my Earth experience. I came here to learn from those mistakes, and oh I learn’t… What we have to do is upon those sleepless nights not dwell upon them, putting our energy into past action… But we need to put our energy into focusing upon our future INTENTION..

    Intention within our thoughts is the key… We cannot judge ourselves too harshly.. Much of our Action is born out of Response,, either through Anger, Jealousies etc, we respond either verbally or physically.. Driven on by emotion which often is reaction to instinct.. Fight or Flight mode..

    Letting go of the past is harder for our memories hang onto emotion. But once you see how that emotional baggage can drag us down, you soon begin to see how letting go and living in the Now bring that which you desire from your intent comes into being.. This is the art of manifesting…

    I am sure you are beginning to figure it out, as I see how clearer your thinking is these days.. πŸ™‚

    • Rambling is good, often I have whole conversations with myself these days as I think things through.
      Camus work at the minute is pressing hard on my thoughts the idea of becoming self aware, seeing the bigger picture, like waking from a dream.
      Often as humans we are to prone to violence and abuse, we will trample before we are trampled over and over again the cycle continues.

      But if as humans we can heal that prone drive to violence, heal the selfish desire and find or more common way to live, were we open our eyes to love, to understanding and to helping each other, half the problems of today would vanish and life would be about living.
      Killing a group of innocent children to show a point, proves nothing and even if the cause were just, which oft it is not, the actual motive is lost and the whole thing spins into more hatred and violence as we see with these groups of “religious” fighters.
      Yet if on the other hand before the violence, the cause was laid open and bare to the masses, so we can see the plight or the issues and work to help, heal or resolve…..the situation would be very different today.

      Still we are lost on this self justification that’s where the balance is wrong! That for me in ourselves we need to heal, to see understand and breed a better race and a better life.

      Thanks for your thought print!

      • Duma your own thought print is excellent! You my friend are becoming an awakened Spirit πŸ™‚ Keep stretching and reaching out with your mind… I am impressed πŸ™‚

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