Adventures, history, memory and Camus!

Next Friday, the friend, baby, my little nephew and I are going on an adventure, well that’s how I sold it to little “J” anyway.

It will be an adventure in many ways, for the children and myself, as much as I look forward to it I am also secretly worried.

I am taking them to Wheelgates, it’s kind of like a theme park type place, more aimed at younger children, but it’s also a place that “S” and I took the kids, a place of memory.

It’s important in a way, kind of like my own secret adventure in so far as up until recently I have avoided the places “S” and I went together, I didn’t want to be reminded.

This time it’s different, I am going with a friend who is a friend with an innocent baby and my little nephew who will indeed be embarking on an adventure, something new, some place new.

The day has to be about fun, though no doubt memory will creep up, often I think too deep, I also need to remind myself how different things are, I am not the same as I was back then, I am more whole, more me.

Since I decided to do this, I have given this a lot of thought, had to question my own motives, my own thoughts, ensure that it’s not via bitterness I travel, but a mode that brings light.

Of course it’s brought back memory’s and thoughts, some pleasant some not so pleasant, like the first time we went there. They wanted to sell us a year pass, she wanted to split the cost but at the same time was already messing around with the drug dealer, yet happy to take my money for something she had no intention of using with me. We were on our way to Centre Parks for the weekend with her family, that weekend was awful for me, she could get no signal on her phone or laptop….so spent the weekend destroying me, in front of her family and when she could get signal, texting him. I wonder why now I put up with that, allowed that to happen, sometimes emotion is blind and we simply don’t want to believe the worst in people.

It’s not with bitterness I write, what is done is done, choices made and I hope her path finds happiness, honesty and sincerity in a way our roads never could.

Where I struggle is to understand, I don’t understand the whys, and I guess I never will, an apology would have been nice!

Moving forwards, I have learnt so much, sometimes we have to destroy the surface to find the art beneath, like a sculptor making art, all he does is chisel away the layers to reveal the art beneath.

For me I was play acting at life, never real, I just made things fit but this last year I have changed that, changed the mask for the reality of me.

I have struggled through Camus “Outsider” battled with Sartre’s “Nausea” and recently realised Camus “The fall” was all about who I was, but my conclusion is far more different, I think there is a better way to live, once you become aware.

So our adventure will begin on Friday, an adventure for little “J” sometime out for my friend and baby and a better way to live for me, so although I have been there before, I haven’t in a way, this time with genuine life in me and with me, I celebrate the moment.

To adventures and friends, and friends that were not friends!

Still digesting “The fall” by Camus it’s almost like a write up of who I once was! Took a couple of hours to read will take weeks to digest…..if you have free time defiantly worth a read.

~ by Duma Key on June 26, 2014.

10 Responses to “Adventures, history, memory and Camus!”

  1. I just took 6 tween aged girls to a Six Flags, which is an amusement park too, here to celebrate the ending of school….such an adventure….I am sure you will find it a wonderful experience and even though there are memories…hopefully new ones will be made to replace the old ones perhaps? Something about the laughter of children that wipes away sadder thoughts….Camus huh….may think of reading again this summer..

    • There is something about the innocent laughter and view of the world from a child that has the power to wash away much.
      Ha 6 girls? rather you than me!
      Camus has always been a mind that inspires me, the kind of read that stays with you through the years, changes meaning and definition as we grow and develop, see life at different angles.
      I love the escape of a book especially when it provokes my mind, challenges me and helps me see other roads!

  2. I read How you enjoyed ‘Wheelgate’.. πŸ™‚ If its in the same district as I think it is… Then you should try visiting White Post Farm.. Your Nephew would love feeding the friendly goats .. That Friday was also the day my Granddaughter’s Pre-School took them to the same place… I smiled as I read your post via my phone at the Synchronisity of it πŸ™‚ Glad you had a brill time too…. Life is often One Big Adventure.. πŸ™‚
    A link to the Farm for you πŸ™‚ just 15 mins from where I live.. πŸ™‚

    • Ha as we arrived there was a coach of children just arriving, and I know of white post farm, just never been there as Wheelgates expanded and added there own animal section, though the nephew and baby were too worn out for us to visit that section. About an hours drive if that from me, loads of stuff to do in that area, plan on visiting the old oak at Sherwood forest with him.

      There is a holiday place out that way, can’t remember the name of it just that you drive through a ford prior to arriving, and it’s all log cabins in the woods, tried to google the name but with out much luck, like to take him there for a weekend, then we can do the baby and Sherwood Forest and create adventures in the woods!

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