Not spoken for a while……..

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We can cut the human body down to a cell, but can’t even come close to understanding the very nature of the human soul.

Alice still plays much on my mind, always a sign of a good read…..one pill makes you taller, one pill makes you smaller and the ones that mother gave you don’t do anything at all…..girls and drug dealers? What’s is the draw?

Came home today and my friend is waiting, her baby, just small in her arms. Tell tale signs upon her face.

Go ask Alice when she is ten feet tall!

So we talked, the baby thing was wriggling around trying to learn how to move, I changed nappies, fed the thing, tried not to show interest….but the thing showed more interest in me.

My friend cried, is lost,been a while since we spoke, she got pregnant had a baby! But still as darkness falls she seeks my door may be, just may be I didn’t get it that wrong after all.

But it’s not about me, we talked, we shared and I hope I have made some difference in her darkness, once upon a time, I would have taken my boys and done some damage, caused some hurt….but different now, I am different. I can not make her choices right but I can stand by her side as a friend and I hope, help her get it right.

I fail to understand the nature of humanity, how someone embeds themselves in another’s life, but not for the sake of longevity but for the sake of a personal need, she was a means to an end and he gave her a child, not for the sake of the child but to lock her down.

“Something better” came along and off he goes….forgetting my friend and the child, heart broken, alone and struggling to deal with an adapted life, a dependent child, her world has changed.

She thinks something better came along, her heart is too pure, it wasn’t something better than her, it was something wrong with him but she holds the guilt, thinks she is not good enough and destroys herself.

Sometimes I fucking hate humanity, the way we use and abuse….like it don’t matter…..like it’s ok to fuck around with someone’s life and walk away…..well it ain’t ok……and instead of kicking doors in throwing my own kind of justice, I am writing a blog post and cooling my anger!

I am glad my friend felt she could come, wait by my door because she needed someone to talk and I hope I can return that trust with my support and make a little difference in her dark days.

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~ by Duma Key on June 6, 2014.

3 Responses to “Not spoken for a while……..”

  1. You have come along way in such a short space of time Duma, and your friends trust in you proves how she holds respect for your thoughts… Life is often unfair and yes there will always be those who use and abuse and always those who feel unworthy and fall for the same type of partners every time…
    You will find as you shift your perspective and view life from almost an overview on how some are users in life and take, your own emotions often will cry out at the injustices of this world.. But you will also discover how rewarding ‘giving’ can be.. Even if its only a shoulder to cry on..
    We can not change the World and the horrendous crimes.. We can only change our own world.. And those we touch…
    As you give out compassion and care, so too you will find your own inner world, then your outer world reflecting back that same light you spoke to me about upon my art..
    Because you give from your heart.. and because that Inner You.. that caring YOU has always been there.. Its just been afraid to show itself as it thought caring was weak, And showing emotions was weaker.. But the more intune you get, the more empathic you feel… And yet Anger will bubble to the surface often…
    But as this post so shows.. Just see how differently you are handling it…
    Thats a sign of matured wisdom.. Its a sign of becoming enlightened.. Its a Sign of waking up to who you really are Duma,,, and for the first time, I think you are making friends with yourself..
    Blessings
    Sue 🙂

    • This morning in the gym, I literally killed the punch bag, kicking, punching, burning…..but a positive way to burn the negative…so then when I went to my friend I wasn’t burning with anger, we just spent time sorting her stuff and I was able to give more of me.

      So I kind of guess you are right starting to learn to see me, and be more pure…..and I kind of think I want to be one of those people I see happy in there own skin…..all a learning curve…… Thank you for your thought print

      • We are often like an onion Duma, with many layers to peel away,, and often times those layers sure make the eyes water a time or two.. But when ever we add onions to the mix it sure tastes good… So there are many learning curves along the way…I think you will make a good cook! and you have all the right ingredients to make Life very worthy of living… For you have collected many of life recipes and know all the knacks and pitfalls of Blending the right ingredients together…
        Now its time to get creative.. and focus on the Main Menu..
        You!..

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