Ink and thoughts

Fear swallows children and the adults we become.

I learnt to deal with fear, by shutting it off.

When my “Dad” put my head through a window at 12 years old, I smacked him in the face and walked way, was I afraid? Worried about what the head case would do next? No I didn’t give a shit.

That to me was normal.

As I grew his violence was replicated by mine, till the last time, I was too big, too cold and too hard as he hit me, I moved knocked him down and he smashed his head open on the TV unit, and at that moment I wanted to kick, punch, destroy…..I felt afraid of me, so I walked away.

After Saturday night, in a very odd place in my mind, like Alice, lost…..but it’s ok as we have to be lost to be found….have to find darkness to see light, have to be wrong to be right…..scales…..emotional scales……..

Still can’t help but wonder if walking away from ……was making it easy for you? Or if I was afraid of the love that I felt……!

New tattoo……found the perfect image…….never used to like the ink……but now….it’s like a map……of my life.

Strange times strange thoughts……

DK

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~ by Duma Key on June 2, 2014.

2 Responses to “Ink and thoughts”

  1. D? I am glad you walked away.

    That violence and anger may be a deep part of all of us who have endured fear, intimidation and abuse as a given and expected part of our lives but we don’t have to let ourselves be ruled by it – we know all to well how it is to be ruled by the ones who can’t master their urge(s) to cause harm to the people they should be bound by duty and honor to protect and cherish.

    It is so much easier to be open to the love and respect you deserve when you offer it in even a small measure to the ones who may seem the least deserving of it…

    That doesn’t mean being a ‘victim’ – it means being ‘human’.

    Thank you for the love, respect and friendship you have shared with me since we began to talk after meeting here.

    I’m not sure you would take the credit but you have been my light more than once (many times) when I couldn’t see my way out of the dark memories we all carry inside – when they grow into monsters it takes someone who has fought them before to see them for what they truly are.

    Something we can fight with conviction, endurance and love.

    *hug*

    L.

    P.S? I will be getting my own ink soon – every death needs an acknowledgment – even if only to mark where to place the flowers as you bid farewell.

    • Ink burns deep, if done correctly, thought and choice so often in life we get lost in the things that do not matter and lose the reality of us…..kind of why I like blog world….no rules for words no right or wrong…..just expression through thoughts words poetry……pure freedom to explore…..through darkest times and best of times we share……and share on a deeper level than we do in real time……if you lived next door would we talk so much? Over the garden fence ? Sad way we live these days….we all want to express but only over the net we really share!

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