Memory’s made in the coldest winter, smiles and potato guns!

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Been an odd kind of week, the rain mixed with melancholy of a feeling that screams in my mind, finished work this morning, sorting through some things I came across the potato guns.

Memory’s made in the coldest winter, I bought those for her kids. We were at a museum for old childhood toys, things from the past. Her kids were excited by the simple things, suddenly potato guns sprang to mind, as the kids played in this chimney thing, designed to demonstrate life as a chimney sweep, I searched e-bay found some and ordered them.

They came and we played, in the garden and the alley, the youngest tried but I had to load her gun, she kind of made a soggy mess.

I ended up with the guns back, how I can’t recall! I will give them to my nephews.

Funny how a random item brings back memory’s whilst on the one hand I am a little sad as I reflect, on the other I smile at the memory’s we made and hope that some how, in someway, I made a difference in their life’s something positive.

They saw too much darkness, too much of the world before they should, before I even knew them, may be that’s why I related so much, put up with the mothers poor behaviour, or perhaps it was because for the first time I loved, the mother and the kids!

I never really had the tools for love, the understanding or the nature, but I tried and in the end I made it easy created my own end to make it easy for her…..no explanation needed, I stole the hurt took it with me and away, cold and hard I can handle that.

It’s not with bitterness or regret I write, I miss that whole other life, I miss the kids but I have memory’s, time well spent and I hope someway the crossing of our paths did some good.

For me life is different now as I build towards me, learn to feel and learn to love, trying harder and harder each day to be better as person, as a life. To make a difference.

So as I reflect it’s not on bitterness or anger or even regret, I smile at the memory’s , prey I made some difference created some happiness and hope that those children are happy, even the crazy mother is happy and the hurt that I stole in the night, was worth my pain….for just one smile one happy moment in there life’s.

Guess I have come a long way, was a time when doors would be broke, people hurt and I would not have walked away looking a fool, to make it easy for some cheap tart.

Memory’s made in the coldest winter, one silent tears did I shed, now secret smiles in my melancholy as I wait for the sun.

Hmmmm odd kind of week.

DK

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~ by Duma Key on May 30, 2014.

5 Responses to “Memory’s made in the coldest winter, smiles and potato guns!”

  1. sounds like lots of thoughts and memories this week for you….I think all of us have those times….we ponder our pasts…our choices…our good and bad times….it all leads us to where we are today….we all have hurt…pain…loss….but somehow when we find love and joy again…it means even more than ever…

    I always hope you find that….you deserve it….hugs

    • Life has it’s ups and downs, with out the rain we can’t really feel the sun, odd week but thank you for your thought print! Sometimes words mean so much!

  2. “For me life is different now as I build towards me, learn to feel and learn to love, trying harder and harder each day to be better as person, as a life. To make a difference.”………..

    Memories are surfacing now as we are within this cycle of energy change.. Learn to keep hold of love and let go of those who caused you pain with love also.. For they were all part of making you who you are today.. So thank them even though it maybe tough to do so…. We grow in strength and courage through our emotional experience…

    You are right on track.. xox

    • I guess sometimes we let go of the people, just not the pain….and try to balance that against our own wrongs in life….kind of where I ended up this week…..it’s the energy I transmit in need to change…..and so going back in way is going forward….I think way too much lol

      • In order to let go of the past then yes one has to revisit it in the mind and unravel it.. Often its a tangled web entwined and twisted with guilt, remorse, anger betrayal, control all sorts of emotions will surface… Allowing them to come to the surface enables us to let them go….
        Sometimes we need to face them..
        I used to write them down, and make a form of an Angel letter.. forgiving others as well as myself.. then burn the letter, See the mixed emotions going up in smoke.. .. I learned to breath out the negative too… Breathe in peace and release the debris we hold onto..
        Thinking shows you are changing .. Because if we didn’t think you would still be acting on impulsive emotions… This way you are thinking through why these emotions are surfacing… Then as you allow them to come from where you kept them buried, you can release them once and for all..
        All good.. all good…

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