Marriage advise……

My friends have just left, I need the headache pills and a cold beer!

Problems, big problems with there relationship, why on earth they chose to come to me, to talk, I am not so sure, hardly an expert, but as friends do all I can do is offer my thoughts, support and my love.

They met a few years back, the ideological love at first sight, (read too lonely souls, searching for someone). With in weeks they were living together, doing all the fun stuff, then there was a baby on the way, weeks later and a marriage in the air.

So the baby’s here, the marriage happened and the harsh reality of life slips in, as the day to day takes it’s toll, so too comes the distance as they realise they never really knew each other and now the fun has gone, there is nothing left, just two people in a house and a baby, with a pile of smoking dreams.

The rush was at the start, the foundations never laid, the fun came and went and now they are stuck with the reality of life and the fact they are just two different to ever be happy as one, In fact they can hardly stand to be in the same room together, but they thought perhaps another baby could help ignite the spark, get them back on track. Not noted for my subtle approach you can imagine my response.

Oft in life I see this happen with friends, a whirlwind romance but never the time to know each other, when the fun dies what’s left?

So what is love and marriage, this whole burning process we seek?

To me it’s not the cereal packet image we are shown on the TV, it’s something deeper and far more meaning full, something I once brushed against but never saw.

Marriage and love, it’s not for you.

Now the above may not sound like it makes sense, I mean how can it not be for you?

Simple, it isn’t about you, it’s about them, it’s that external drive to see there happiness, it’s about knowing no matter what you are there, agree or disagree, always support.

It’s knowing the girl you are with will be the one to help share the upbringing of your children, help ease the dullness of life.

It’s about being by her side, think and thin, never forgetting to listen or show that you care, it’s going the extra mile and doing all you can to be a better person, father, husband.

It’s about the whole, the family, the friends, the world and life… no marriage and love is not for you it’s for the whole.

Anyone can plant seeds, but that’s not enough, they need watering and feeding, weeding and taking care of, protecting and loving so the whole and pure beauty can be seen, allowed to grow and grow in light. It’s not hard but it’s not easy also.

Foundations are needed, the soil must be cultivated, treated and loved, then the planting and the nurturing begins and so love will then find a way.

In friendship and in life we need to work, it’s not for you, but every street must run two ways, every path connect, and learning each other, taking time to stop and listen, breath in, allows the rose too bloom.

Love is pure and natural, a feeling given to us by nature, it is a part of who we are, it defines us, makes us grow, but with it comes responsibility, a responsibility to plant the seeds, to give it time, to let it grow and let it bloom, then that rose is so fair and so pure even ice will melt upon its gaze.

It’s lost between my friends, perhaps never there in the first place, but at least they see! So now instead of smothering each other, breeding weeds in the darkness spreading vines to the future in the child, they can build a better path and I hope find the happiness they deserve.

Paracetamol and a beer I think my head is pounding.


~ by Duma Key on May 14, 2014.

One Response to “Marriage advise……”

  1. “In friendship and in life we need to work, it’s not for you, but every street must run two ways, every path connect, and learning each other, taking time to stop and listen, breath in, allows the rose too bloom.”..

    Wise words.. They have a precious friend in you Duma..

    … and from one who has been Married for nearly 40 years next year.. it is all these things you speak of above.
    Its about patience. Respect.. Forgiveness.. Trust… Holding each other when they hurt.. Caring for each other when in need… Its about Laughing, joking… understanding you are still different, that you are both hold different opinions..
    The bottom line is that compromise, sure there will be times when you don’t agree.. Debate is always good.. it shows you have your own set of values… that you are not subservient to the other .. But the best advice I can give.. Is not to let your differences fester.. Get it off your chest and then let it go.. Go to bed lovers not enemies… And remember.. Tomorrow is another day.. 🙂 Where we each learn to grow, and Live and make our mistakes. 🙂

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