Winter is Coming

Winter is Coming.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s the world that’s gotten too big, or the words themselves that have become too big, lacking purpose, no longer adequate to describe the things they are meant to describe.

“Happy” or “Sad” for example say something but at the same time, lack clarity, definition and thus say nothing at all.

 

I have been away from blog land now for quite some time, I needed some space to think, to find something, yet what it was I was looking for I was unsure.

Sat one night, laptop open on my knee, iPhone pinging away, tablet at my side and a DVD on the PS3, I realised just how pointless this all was, how dependent upon technology my life had become, how it was dictating to me, rather than I it.

So I took some time away, bought books and enjoyed long afternoons in the garden, lost in the world of “Game of Thrones” or wandering in the isolation of Camus “Outsider”. I took long walks down by the river, ran for miles into the wilderness and left life behind for a little while.

Sometimes in all this chaos, we lose sight of the reality of this world, the world that lays beneath, the true and pure purpose of life, simply the world in which we live has gotten too big and like the words, has lost all meaning, the beauty of what life was about diluted down, forgotten in this crazy way we live.

In a world where there is plenty, how can it be that people starve? Struggle to heat their homes, how can it be right to choose between food and warmth? The basic things society was set up to protect! How did we get so lost?

Winter is coming.

I have been playing a PS3 game “The Last of us” set in a world after disaster, where nature has taken back control, uproots drive ways, demolishes buildings, eats up the roads, she takes back her world, from the devastation we caused, and heals it.

Wandering lost, alone in this world I often found myself wondering what it would be like, in the end, when “progress” stops and nature reclaims her planet, how I would quite like to live in the simplicity of it all.

The 8th of November, marked a year since I received the infamous “Text” message, from “S” the day my world changed. It’s been a funny kind of year when I finally booted out Miss Smirnoff and decided to live, emotionally it’s been a complicated journey and physically I even moved house!

One year on, am I happy? Who knows? I know that I have changed, that I am not the person I was.

I miss her kids, especially at birthdays, holidays, xmas etc., sometimes when out and about, I don’t feel complete without them, but I can only hope the choices made, resulted in a happy stable future for them. Only hope that things panned out right in the end.

As for “S” that is one mystery I will never solve, I can only hope that her games and choices led her to a deeper sense of happiness.

Times moved on, each second of each minute of each hour of each day.

For me, I am trying to find the right way, feeling emotion for perhaps that first time in my life, slowly with the changes I have made I a begin to see me when I look in the mirror, not an image of something I never was.

 

 

 


 

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~ by Duma Key on November 26, 2013.

One Response to “Winter is Coming”

  1. Duma, I love that you are finding yourself, and yes sometimes the path of discovery of ourselves can be a tough challenge, letting go and moving on, leaving behind that which no longer serves only as a painful reminder.. So I am so pleased you are no longer the person you once were and that you have let go of two ‘S’s in you life..

    Relating to your video game about nature reclaiming back.. She does it all the time, we only have to see how she pushes up through the tarmac paths and the untrimmed hedgerows overhang unused walk ways… to know Nature is strong and adaptable,.. It worries not, and just does what it does the best… And that is it just gives of itself to grow and be the best it knows how to be…

    I know you are growing every stronger as you discover perhaps for the first time who you are inside..
    And as Winter comes as nature shuts down cutting from her the leaves from trees to conserve and protect itself from the storms that head on in… Be sure that after a rest she renews and replenishes as new life sprouts forth in Spring..
    Look upon your Darkened Patch as your Winter, a time of shadow, but it allowed you to see the Light… And all our shadows are revealed only in the brightest of Light forever attached at our root .. Facing them is one of life’s lessons, as we too grow from our roots as we ascend in the knowledge that we have to be gentle with ourselves, nurture and love ourselves… For once we dig deep into our own dark wells, we see beyond our troubles as we accept ourselves and love and forgive ourselves and others..
    We know Winter even in our hearts is but a season and it will pass…

    Love and Blessings
    Sue

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