Missing posts , Dreams, Kids and Dates…..!

I posted some stuff this week and it has vanished? Completely gone, not even showing in my drafts…..Wordpress ate my post’s!

To do mainly with a rather odd and very vivid dream I had about S and the kids, nothing actually happened in the dream, I just like I was there are every thing was normal. The pure uncomplicated everyday normality of how we did things, that stuck me most. Of course when I awoke, it put me in a really out here zone and I found myself checking my phone often for a text message.

That feeling of unease stayed with me through out the day, I even contemplated making a few stealthy checks to ensure they were all ok. Fucking mad I know, just sometimes dreams have this power to disturb us.

Some say dreams have meanings, may be they do, all I know is that it unnerved me.

Today has kind of been a big day, for the first time ever I have my 2 year old nephew staying the night. Its been the longest period of time I have spent alone with him.

He likes coming to my house, I always have new toys for him to play with, and endless stream of Thomas the Tank Engine and Bob the Builder.

Today we have had an adventure, we built a toy car race track, made a den in the conservatory, went for a walk to spot flowers (yes you did read that right, we went out spotting flowers) and popped round to see my Nan, Little J’S great Gran, although I think she was a little miffed when we arrived and he pointed out he would much rather be back at mine playing with his cars……!!

We did road safety, crossing every time J wanted to cross, but only when he and I were in agreement that it was safe to do so!

We read books and painted pictures, made special sandwiches that are only for J and had a battle of wits over dinner!

After a shower and good night story he sleeps soundly in my spare room and I look at the chaos such a small child has created in my house and garden and contemplate tidying it away!

Its a big move on my part in so far as I have shied away from any form of child contact since S and the Kids, I didn’t need that reminder.

I had almost began to forgot what its like to hold a little hand and know they need you there, I guess I regret now not seeing that part of me that could do the whole child thing years before, but I guess I wasn’t ready.

I realized to day just how far I have come, for a while I stopped going to places I used to go with S and the Kids, I stopped going to Asda, to town, all memory’s, in fact I stopped doing anything that didn’t involve drink, drugs, sex and violence…..I culture I knew only too well.

Now I find myself, able to entertain a 2 year old for hours on end, the day has flown by……talking about plants and flowers, birds and insects….in fact we even had a lengthy conversation about my Tattoos and there meanings….when I say tattoos I mean classy art work, all freehand, all blacks and whites….all chosen by me for design and style….all with meaning. J not a big fan by all accounts because you cant wash them off!

I have a date tomorrow night, never really done the whole date thing, sex yes….normally how these things start some drink a bar and a girl that catches my eye…..!

This time its different, we talked a while and are going for dinner I booked a table at one of my favourite Italians, the food is excellent and the wine list……is amazing….every bottle has a picture of where it came from with the owners various family members through out time involved in it, you could spend the whole evening just reading the wine list…..(back up plan if things go wrong….lol).

I don’t know how I will fair in this dating business…..but will give it a bash!

Enough for tonight….just checked my little angel and he sleeps……..!

Blood of my blood……..what was lost in our generation…..is now replaced, refreshed and renewed in the next……the horror of our own childhoods will never be repeated in theirs…..because we will not allow it as we wipe away the sins of our parents, in the innocence of tomorrow.

Over and out for the night!


PS I really must get back into writing here……It helps my thoughts…that is if wordpress stops eating my posts!


~ by Duma Key on August 2, 2013.

4 Responses to “Missing posts , Dreams, Kids and Dates…..!”

  1. Oh, so so loved this entry Duma, my own granddaughter is 2 and a Half and the house looks like a whirl wind has swept through it.. But we spent Tuesday painting and pretend tea parties with teddy bears, Plus I showed her some small caterpillars in the garden just newly hatched she had to touch them and let them walk on her hand…
    Its so so good you are at last starting to live again Duma, and good look with your evening date.
    I hope you have a peaceful night with your nephew…you obviously tired him out..

    As for you post, yes as soon as you had posted I saw the email come in and went to comment to find it gone I thought you maybe re-editing it.
    But many have been experiencing big problems on WP recently many can not get to comment, some are being sent into the Spam boxes and so dont take it personally.. I think a big blip in the system…

    So far fingers crossed I have been fine…

    Good to know you are smiling and laughing again…
    Wishing you a wonderful Weekend ENJOY! xoxox

    • So I am halfway through replying to this and it’s gone! As Wordpess tell me 72 people just followed me, spam grhhhh!
      Just that time with him, so young so free so innocent, how much I have changed.
      Just checking him sleep I have this over whelming desire to bundle him up in my arms!
      Not sure who is more tired him or me! Better work out than I get on a marathon gym session my my trainer!
      I was always scared of having my own children because of the violence I grew with, scared I would do the same! Little accident today, told J not to do something as my back turned he did it again broke something, anger never crossed my mind, first he was ok, then I explained why I asked him not to do it! Then we sorted! Lesson learnt ……stuns me…….how easy that now comes! Yet at the same time I would always protect him! That needs more thought and exploration !
      But thanks for your thought print! You have been a big influence in many ways…..odd what a few words can do!
      May be hope for humanity after all!

      • Like I have said before Duma, You are Doing OK 😉 and would make a fine Dad some day… for all the right reasons….

        Children never come with a hand book, but most of it is common sense.. And Kids pick up very quickly, And learn quickly who to trust… He is listening and learning and me thinks you are making a good teacher.. 🙂
        Words are all that are needed as we heal from within..
        Thank you for that. Sue

  2. Just gonna smile….yep….big one

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