Missing links…..

Its been an odd start to the year, trying to keep my thoughts positive, trying to find the right way. I constantly have to keep reminding myself that things are better this way, much better, every time I feel that sting, that bite, I remind myself this is the right way.

My thought to ponder every day being who am I?

But I am not the first to question this, nor will I be the last, but I need to feel whole and complete.

“We choose someone to love only by not choosing to love millions of others; yet we canonize our entirely random decision by ignoring, indeed inverting, its randomness, and enrobing ourselves in the garments of inevitability: we like to say, “we are made for each other”, or “fate picked the two of us out”.

But when life is properly seen to be random, excruciatingly experienced as random, this tenuous structure of rejection and choice, of absence and presence has disappeared, and has been filled up by random presence, by superfluity, pointless plenitude. When one sees life as truly random, one can “do anything”. But it would be a mistake to imagine that this is then freedom, while those who do not see life’s randomness are still stupidly unfree.

Am I free, because of what I know? Not at all. I am no freer than my blind fellow citizens. I can do everything but nothing. I am “free” only in the sense that I am really unfree; I am “alive” only in the sense that I am really dead.”

prehaps there is some consolation, however, in having pierced the veil of this terrible paradox of freedom. People are still veiled in ignorance of their arbitrariness. They are as unfree as I, yet they hide the terrible imprisonment of their existences by unthinkingly getting up, going to work, relaxing on Sundays, and so on. They wrongly imagine that they have chosen this form of life, when of course it has chosen them.

I have some friends here at present, she a top academic he an old time London Gangster, it should never work but it does, in its randomness they achieve what I can only dream of.

I am finding myself drawn to Camus and Sartre and suddenly like “Roquentin” I am finding this Nausea, whether their conclusions are right, whether the way they found to live, is correct remains to be seen, but both find a conclusion that is far apart yet not so dissimilar in nature.

I too have to find my way to live, to be free and to breathe.

My thoughts for the evening

DK

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~ by Duma Key on January 6, 2013.

One Response to “Missing links…..”

  1. A thought from Nelson Mandela
    A Quote…..
    There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.
    Nelson Mandela

    Keep your focus upon your Mountain Top! Blessings Sue

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