New Years Eve 2012

So its new years eve and I have spent the entire day cleaning! Something very thearaputic about cleaning, normally I have a cleaner, she comes twice a week but never does it the way I like it!

Music blasting Gangzter rap as I am cleaning my house, so too cleaning my thoughts.

This year has to make a differance, bring about change I have been holding on for too long, that sorrow has been eating away at me and left a void, that needs to be filled.

Letting go of yesterday to live for today, much harder to do than it is to say.

I need to find myself again the acid rain has washed away the image and I am left with a nothingness that needs to find shape.

There are a lot of things that were wrong, wrong to the core, not how I would choose to treat people and deep down we are all aware of that. Yet at the same time I chose to ignore and do what I thought was right.

The blanket new year text will be the final straw, if at all it comes, not with bitterness or regret that I let this slide, one final act on my part. Time to move on.

I have thought a lot over the last few weeks about closing myself off, staying away from the things I do so naturally for my friends, and becoming as selfish, cold and self centered as the rest of the world seems to be. 

But I cant do that, its not me…..and we have a start.

The biggest question for me to ponder for 2013 is “who am I?” because at the moment, I have no idea…….time to begin and find myself properly.

2013 brings change and this time I need to get it right, it marks the end of a chapter and the start of a new story, where ciggerates and Vodka no longer feature, nor does the past. Time to be free, to be me……and to live! 

I am going to sit this new years eve out, silent and alone in my stupidly big house, surronded by the material stuff I once thought was so important, let myself reflect and let it slip away.

Tomorrow marks the begining not the end.


~ by Duma Key on December 31, 2012.

3 Responses to “New Years Eve 2012”

  1. Duma, Welcome to your First AWAKENING! ….. Boy oh boy, I can not tell you how pleased I am to hear these words as we end 2012… A year for me which has been hard… even for a Dreamwalker to divulge.. But its the pain of our lessons and the way we over come them that lifts us up to that next level of discovery.. As we find out Who You Are! Who Am I….
    Looking at our reflections, digging deep and cleansing ourselves clean are all part of the process….. And no it will not be easy, some days you will want to give up as your reach for that pkt of Cigarettes or a friend invites you for that drink.. as one more leads to another and that spiral of self doubt creeps in..

    But hold fast my friend… for know each of our problems have a Gift within them.. thats why living in the now is called the Present!… Try not to look back is good advice to yourself…
    Hold onto your Dreams of new Beginnings.. and start and Manifest it into your reality..
    Well done as you take your first steps as your new journey begins!

    Happy New Beginnings Duma… 🙂 xxxx

  2. Beautifully said! So much emotion, strength and determination transitioning into the New Year! You acknowledge discovering self identity with, “Who am I?” You will eventually discover your identity, and your purpose in life. You will answer, “What is my purpose here if my past wasn’t enough?” You build self-esteem by moving on from the past because “tomorrow marks the beginning, not the end.” I love your inspirational words! Change starts now! I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors of 2013. Start living, learning, and letting go. Take care.

  3. Happy New Year, Duma.
    Time to be free.

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