Fuck Fate

Fuck FATE……I got up this morning and it was one of those days….you know the days when everything just goes against you. Message on my phone, a while ago me and her bought tickets to see a show (when I say me and her I mean I….lol) with the kids. Spoke to the kids, we have an extra ticket…would like to take B…..(that’s his kid)….knowing where this is going……I say ok….so what are you actually wanting to do (as if I don’t already know)……….”Go with L, if that means we don’t fall out….ie is that ok with you…..not only have I made you look a fool….but now I want to rub your face in it……..me “Ok what ever makes you happy”

Get out of bed for a smoke…..curtain pole falls of the wall…..no real reason and bangs me on the head……Me….Mad……!

Standing in the rain having a smoke……my bin is gone…..wtf? someone has stolen my bin……Crazy…….people know they don’t mess with me…..but some stupid fool stole my bin…..cant cant figure if I should laugh…or be mad….its a fucking bin!

Postman comes……letter from the gas company…..bill for £800……nothing in my house runs on gas………it never has…….second letter another bill….now for last year……£1120.23 gas I used……I don’t have a gas supply.

Shower and I forgot to put the water on…..its cold…..and I am getting mad…..really mad!

Some fool has now parked there car over my drive……meaning I can’t get out………like everything is going wrong today….and I am thinking may be I should have stayed in bed…….but fuck fate why should I ?????

Back in my bedroom, take the curtain pole…..smash it through the window…..Fuck it.

Ring the gas company…..pointless call center……tell the little idiot on the end of the phone who informs me if I don’t pay they will cut me……go for it…. I aint got no gas………and that I am driving down to his office…..gonna sit and wait for him to leave…..and smash his fucking knee caps…..not gonna happen…..but he was worried….lol

Walked over to the house across the road…..took there bin…..like they will cross me……yer its not right…I know!

switched the hot water on…….waited had a shower…..and thought fuck you fate…….you want to come after me…..better bring a gun……cos I aint going down…….you can try…..but I never lay down…..just gonna keep on getting up.

Did a daylight shift at work……smashed the week….in just one day……….so fuck you fate……..

Came home from work…..I could have sworn I had drunk the last of the Vodka…….but by the microwave……full bottle of vodka…….not sure if I bought it or just fate admitting defeat…….

Balls to it all……I am crazy….I am cold……and I dont give a damn……….!!!!

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~ by Duma Key on November 21, 2012.

5 Responses to “Fuck Fate”

  1. Sounds a bad day….. Only you can turn it around though …please do not take offence at my next comment….
    But two wrongs do not make a right and Vodka will not solve anything only take us in a downward spiral.. … only when we shift our awareness to see positive aspects, do we attract Positive Outcomes..
    Intention! ….
    Manifestation works both ways… When we keep thinking the worse, the worst things just keep on being attracted to us..
    Be Well Duma…
    Sending you my heartfelt thoughts… in moving through this time of changes…

    • The vodka dance must end, been way to long and way to wild…..I kind of deal, no that’s wrong dealt with things alone, doors locked blinds shut and vodkas veil, till my mind healed enough to face the world.
      Today I did a very unusual thing…..spoke to my brother…..I never talk to anyone about me….for the first time in so long I actually cried….where some one saw…..I am the crazy hard nut….that people don’t cross….I am never weak…..yet today I was…..I was me…..real….with my thoughts, with my problems…..just me…..and as we cleaned his house, as we sat and ate…..for the first time ever….I felt real…..so ok I have come home cracked open a beer…..but I kind of feel different……not sure who was more shocked by today me or my brother….just happened…..I think it needed to happen…..kind of finding myself on the edge of something despite my degrees that I don’t understand……!

      • Its the edge of Change… always a scary precipice to stand on the edge of.. even more scary when we stand alone with no props ( like Vodka) to hold us up…
        I will be back as I read your ( Talk ) via phone, Time short right now.. but you are turning a corner… remember that, and I hope that one layer as at last peeled away my friend….

      • Things are certainly changing but not just around me with in me…..not sure where I am heading with this or where it’s going on the air of caution I stand on the edge of tomorrow.
        Starting to accept part of me learning how it should be.

      • The power of change comes from the power of now… only we can step through that door, only we can pull ourselves up by the ears and say its time to let the past go and point ourselves to the door and take those tentative steps through them.

        Accepting and looking within takes great courage.. And often we have to come to that point of that precipice before light dawns upon us and instead of throwing ourselves off saying all is lost.. We turn around and retrace our step, sometimes along a painful memory, but I garentee you that once we turn and face ourselves truly face inner demons, we then open up the rest of All our Tomorrows to wake up in anticipation of a greater brighter dawn…
        Blessings to you Duma, and say NO to that White Spirit in the Bottle… for that one my friend as you well know takes prisoners and keeps them locked forever in the poison of despair..
        Sue

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