3rd Night thoughts……

Half way through my 3rd night one more to go then off for a few days.

The weekend is panning out to be rather busy once more, Saturday I am out for the day and Sunday is my birthday so again I will be out, if I actually get around to organising things, right now all I can think about is getting through the night and sleep.

Sleep again today was uneasy, broken promises of things to come, that never quite materialise.

I have a lot of thinking to do, I just don’t seem to be able to find the head space or time to do it, the days like the weeks pass in a blur and I seem lost in the madness.

Right now I could do with a pause button, a small halt on life while I sort out my thoughts and figure the best way forwards…….I always seem to set out with good intentions just never quite make it. I guess it’s easier to carry on than it is to make changes, to forge a different way.

I seem to be so many things to so many people, that somehow I seem to be nothing to me.

Walking through the streets, I see so much the old generation of respect, replaced by this new generation of survival, dog eat dog. The old guys are restless, uneasy as these new boys snap at their ankles, trying to take a piece of something that’s taken years to grow. Even the language on the streets has changed become more common, everyone trying to prove something, but in turn proving nothing.

Our generation paused and thought things through, we looked after and controlled our own, we have rules and respect, we cover each other.

Yet these guys fight with each other, draw blood with no cause and settle scores for no purpose…….there is no right way, there is no code, just each to their own.

How can I look at something one way today and see something completely different tomorrow? How can it change with in me?

Yesterday it was easy, I knew the way, now its all changed……..or is it still the same? May be it’s always been this way?

What is it with you that binds me still?

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~ by Duma Key on March 20, 2012.

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