Moving on……Yer Right!

Today has been a tough day, was supposed to be out on a date this evening, but decided against it. I took “her” kids Ice skating today…I know this may sound rather strange, but over the last year I have learnt so much, and little things matter to kids….I didnt just want to be a face that came, then went. I saw enough of that as a child.

I suggested she bring them here, but she could not put herself out, so I drove over and picked them up, brought them back for lunch, she did not even come to the door.

Latter, the same ice cold text system, what time are you bringing them back? I need to make sure I am home. Out with her geriatric slapper of a friend, who things its fun to pick up random men in the local bar, take them outside and perform various sexual acts, I am starting to wonder how I got anyone so wrong.

The kids were a little hungry so I suggested picking up a KFC….to which I got No Thanks, and Text when you are on your way back with them. Latter still drop them off at the pub please.

By now there will be some other guy in tow…I saw this all before, shifts me out to bring them in….all part of her game.

I know it should not bother me, I know I should be mad, but somehow all I feel is hurt. I know she does not give me a second thought, in fact she never did, yet still I am trying to see the good in all of this, surely no one can be that cruel, that devious, that cold and manipulative as she appears to be?

I cancelled my date, came in and went to bed, I thought sleep may ease the pain a little, but it does not help. I stopped the date, because I saw the depth and gravity of my feeling….and would simply be spining the self same web of lies and deciet once more, bringing in another and thats not fair.

It all just feels so unfair, I tried and did all I could, yet all she did was lie, cheat and play games, not once but twice….and she sits with her friends, her surface so called life and all is well, while I am left to the silent mental torment.

When does this end? when does it stop hurting, when do the thoughts just go and life return to normal? Is this what you normal people do in the name of this concept of love? Is this what love is?

For now I have vodka, and music……bitter regret hangs limp in the air…..and I want the pain to end……..

The stupid thing is I still feel so deep, care so much……I hate the way I let her get to me…the way she makes me think……

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~ by Duma Key on August 24, 2011.

4 Responses to “Moving on……Yer Right!”

  1. “…surely no one can be that cruel, that devious, that cold and manipulative as she appears to be?…” Surely people can be that way to us if we allow them to be. Surely, you would not want this type of person in your life if you truely loved yourself? Surely you are not spending time with the children to receive kudos or recognition from this woman? Surely everthing thing that seems logical becomes unlogical in the game of love. Find a way to love her for who she is, not who you would prefer her to be, and still not hurt yourself in this process, then surely your love will be true and genuine.

    • I do not know, I really do not know…..as for the kids, I spend time with them because it matters, regardless of her or even me, I don’t want to let them down, be another empty promise, more empty words……they have seen so much and once long ago I was there……if even in a small way I can change things…..that has to be good……????

  2. *gasp*

    I must be stupid because I had NO idea that you were dealing with this level of pain…

    Please forgive me for not previously understanding what I was seeing.

    I – really want to just adore you for caring about these kids and not wanting to let them down but ‘adore’ doesn’t seem enough of a word to describe how much respect I have for someone who understands just how much stability and self esteem a child finds in an adult they have come to trust.

    Vodka.

    I use whiskey – but vodka does work…

    *hug*

    M.L.

    • I don’t know if I am doing the right thing, all I can do is what I think is the right thing, the situation is crazy, but above how I feel, there are things that matter more.
      Thank you for your thoughts my friend.

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