Choices and Death

And so the job offers came in, the first I accepted as a backup plan as the second was my first choice yet they seemed unable to put together an offer, a formal offer though they had already told me the position was mine, I couldn’t take the risk.

So one sunny Monday morning, I put on my business suit and headed back into the land of work, a very different person from the one who a year or so since had left a full time well paid position to take a risk, that never paid off. If I am honest my confidence was at an all-time low. I recall now the car wouldn’t start at first and there was ice on the windscreen, it was bitterly cold and I was a little scared of what the day would bring, in fact I kept thinking they will see me as a fake, wish they had not offered me the job, may be made some mistake…..but then this was short term will the second job paid off.

So I arrived at the office for my first day off work, a rather daunting experience and very unsure what the future would hold.

As it happened the first week passed quite well and during the second week the second job offer came along, with car, phone pension etc. my ideal choice, the dilemma that I faced was that despite my early reservations I was enjoying the first job, very different to what I had done in the past, a completely different environment, but somehow I was getting a buzz from it and my confidence was slowly beginning to return.

Of course I accepted the second job and agreed to start immediately after Easter, giving some notice to the first employer.

Mr Blog your glass is empty, take a breath, fetch another bottle and we shall resume in a few seconds, I have so missed catching up with you.

Prior to my return to my home town, my Granddad had been taken ill with pneumonia, now my granddad during my childhood years was a big influence on my life, though in effect not a blood relative, we spent a lot of time together and during the school holidays and weekends I would go and work for him, and he got me through some rough times. Shortly after he came home from hospital, he suffered a stroke and ended up back in hospital, always a tough old boy he pulled through and after some time was moved to a recovery unit, something he was greatly looking forwards to, but fate once more played her hand and he suffered a second stroke this one completely wiping him out.

I will never forget that first time I went to visit after the second stroke, I walked passed his bed and never recognised him, the person laying there was not my granddad but a frail old man, knocking on deaths door. He lost all power of speech, all power of movement was being fed from a drip, the end was close. The whole thing upset me, I am an emotionless creature, years and years of beating and running one learns not to carry emotion, it ties you down, slows you down and makes you weak.

To see him reduced to this state cut me deep, but he was always a resilient old boy, always known for been quick with his fists, not someone to mess around with, I recall him breaking his arm once, after some local yobs had been harassing him, his words to me were “I may have bust my arm, but I made a mess of him,” he had been out with a baseball bat after once again the police had let him down, strongly enough he was never bothered by those kids again, though one of them suffered a rather sever beating, of which, of course I know nothing about…….!

I think he decided his time had come and he pulled the feeding tubes out on several occasions and refused with the limited movement that he had to have them back in again, he had chosen to die. The family was called together, and a choice was to be made as to whether he should die at home or in the hospital, the family being the way it is, once more chose to air family issues over his needs and a war began forgetting him laying there dying in his bed. It was here that I stepped in a suggested we only look at what he would want and that was to be home, eventually it was agreed that he would come home and slip away there.

Since at the time I wasn’t working, and he needed 24 hour care, I agreed to stay with him through the nights, it’s a hard thing changing a dirty nappy or feeding a grown man, once more not something I thought I could ever do, but we managed, and night after night we sat together and worked together as he drifted in and out of sleep. The Drs had given him a maximum of 2 weeks and we prepared for the worst.

Once home we agreed that we would just give him what he wanted, and he began to eat and develop strength, shocking all the Drs day by day he grew stronger and today he is still with us, he can’t walk and speech is limited, but he is up and out of bed every day now, dressed and out in his wheel chair, up to his old mischievous habits, he had a brief spell back in the hospital mainly to give my grandma a break and I caught him escaping to the coffee lounge, physically wheeling himself off the ward, according to the nurses he had done this a couple of times already even though he was not supposed to!

As I had been up through the nights looking after him, I had got into a habit of sleeping during day times and staying awake at nights, one of the new initiatives for the first company who offered me the job, was a 24 hour support line and so timing being all, I was offered a position working nights, yet still had agreed to the second job, but was having some doubts.

In the end after only being in the first job a couple of weeks, I spoke to my boss and explained the situation, who basically said what do I need to do to keep you? Words fail to say how good that feeling is after months and months of unemployment. So despite the fact the second company had got me a car, phone etc. I decided to be selfish and stick with the first job…again something I never thought would happen……..


~ by Duma Key on July 7, 2011.

One Response to “Choices and Death”

  1. Good you chose the job that you started to enjoy, and with an emploter who sincerely needed and appreciated you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: