Here in The Shadows

“Here in the shadows
I’m safe
I’m free
I’ve nowhere else to go but
I cannot stay where I don’t belong

Show me the shadow where true meaning lies
So much more dismay in empty eyes”

These words, this song echo’s through my mind, tells the story of my life, here in the shadows is where I belong.

I often wonder these days, If I will ever see beneath the mask, at what lays beneath and even if I did would I really understand or know me? All of my life I have been looking in the mirror, through the eyes of a stranger, staring at a person I do not know.

If I could strip away the rules, pull back the definition, step out of this system, rewrite the world, with out rules, with out the regulation, with out the need to conform, with out the need of image, could I really be free to live? Free to breath?

Once more I pack away, once more I change my face for that of another, once more I move, another place, another time, another set of people, for a while I will stay, slip on my mask and go through the motions of living a half-life, a half time in the land of the living.

Turning the wheels, that turn wheels, that make the system grind, a system that I never really understood, have never been a part of, and have lost all interest in.

The alternative is far greater than I can bear.

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~ by Duma Key on January 8, 2010.

22 Responses to “Here in The Shadows”

  1. First I love the song…her voice is hauntingly beautiful…llstening to music always helps me…

    You write so deeply…and I think all of us dwell in the shadows at times…even dipping into darkness on occasion…but and yes you know I would have a “but” in there…its not something you are alone in…thats why writing…or people who write music or artists of any kind…its why they express it..to find others…to connect…strength in numbers my friend…

    maybe one day…strong enough to look in the mirror and smile at what you see…

    smiles and hugs..dont stop writing…your words touch many…

    • Music hold so much, steals words and memory from the very air we breath, holding it lost in the melody for all eternity.

      Thank you for your words and thoughts summerrain

  2. Evanesence is one of my favorite bands. Love their lyrics. This is a pretty post, and I hope that one day you do find out who you are, that you realize what is beneath this mask.

  3. DumaKEy. your words break through the barriers of the system. they reached me. within my heart i felt your pain. i felt your worries. you did it. you broke free. through words and thought. be strong for one day it Will make sense. For now we have the songs, the feelings, the life which is not ours to live. Be strong.

    • Interesting though enreal, I like that Idea….something of value that shines in the darkness, may be it is the words I seek that pave the way to freedom

  4. I think you hit upon something profound here – masks. Role playing. Who are we, really? This is the question that drives me, that defines my spiritual path. Asking the question at all means one thing… you are free. Mayhaps caught in a dream, but free all the same. When you get it, you will laugh your ass off.

    Did you see Avatar? There’s an interesting line there: “I see you.”

    I see you, Duma.

    • The questions haunt, open doors, that lead to more questions, like an eternal quest…. by asking the questions and seeking understanding are we pushing the boundarys of freedom or define the walls that hold us in?

  5. Trust that love will take care of you…

    Trust that love will carry you through

    as it always has and always will…

  6. BTW, I love your poem…I certainly can relate! From one shadow to another…

  7. Sometimes a Mask is essential, cause it puts a safety wall between us and the outside, while we look within to discover ourselves. As long as we are aware, everything we need to know about ourselves will be known. Trust yourself, question your motives, look to your emotions for guidance, dont judge but be the witness to yourself, everything will fall in place. Trust that you are exactly where you ought to be at this time within your life and when its time to move, you will.

  8. Duma,
    lovely writing… sad topic… but, I know I, for one, can relate… as we’ve breifly discussed before. I’m guessing many more can, than can’t relate to this, actually. Even if when/we try to shed our masks… they tend to somehow find us… sometimes, I wonder if people even realize they have one slapped on their face? As if it may have been put there in their sleep, unbeknownst to them… ? Breaking free… being ourselves… can be a struggle… it may mean facing demons we don’t want to face… up close and personal… but, it’s worth it, I’m finding. I hope you also find this.. and those who will see thru your masks, and help convince you that you are better without them.

  9. Duma, I don’t know what to say….I myself have found in these situation many times and still somewhere I do feel the same inside. And then I tell my heart it is sometimes good to live with mask, with questions rather than the answers.
    Bless You!!

  10. Greetings Duma,

    I followed a link from {cordieb} to find you.

    If I ate a picture of an apple, it would not bring to me an experience of fulfillment as if I had eaten a real apple.

    So it was for me when I did as I had been taught and wore a mask. I wasn’t being real, so no relationship I ever had was real, either. I was only a imaginary person having imaginary relationships and imaginary experiences.

    Now I’m Real and it took many years for me to peel away all my fears of being this way. But I am Free.

    The ONLY thing that matters is what we think and how we feel about ourselves. I did not know this, nor realize this, for many years of my life, for it is not what our society teaches. What I found out though, is that the World will reflect my own attitudes right back at me. If I change my attitudes, then the world reflects this change in attitude, too.

    I spent many years seeking for someone else to give to me what I refused to give to myself. I did not respect myself; I wore a mask instead. I did not honor myself; I wore a mask instead.

    I finally realized one day I hadn’t really ever given anyone a chance to love the real me because I’d never so much as even revealed who I was.

    It was fear of rejection that caused me to live as less then free. And the reason I feared it so much, was because deep down in my heart I knew I had rejected me, every time I put on a mask.

    What our society and our world teaches us is to not love ourselves very much. It is this love we seek to get and the reason we wear masks is because we think it’s what we need to do to obtain the love we seek.

    I share this exercise; it has worked for many of us. Every morning and every evening look yourself in the mirror and say “I love you” 7 times.

    When I first tried it, I cold barely do it, there was so much resistance inside of me. It felt dumb; It felt stupid. But I made myself do it because my reactions were sure signs that I really needed it. Sometimes I found myself tearing up and crying when I said the words to myself. In short, I discovered and realized how very little I genuinely loved myself.

    And that is the reason I kept it up.

    Try it and within 2 weeks I bet you will notice drastic changes. You will feel better about yourself, less afraid of being rejected or judged and will find the world reflects these changes right back at ya’.

    • Thank you for your comments, and your blog so wise, so full of light, I have read but not commented simply because at present I find myself with out the words I need.

  11. 🙂

  12. writing so full of emotion. really enjoyed reading it. made me question a lot of things i took for granted.

  13. Hey DM

    I have tagged you … Copy/paste the questions from my blog.

    Can’t wait to read your “One words”

    DS

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