Too Lost to be saved…….

Lost once more in the darkness, this is my time in the wild, I am too far gone now to be saved, to really save myself.

The shadows beckon, once I tried to run, now I return, return to what I know. The darkness beckons, it is where I belong, the place from which I came, of where I belong.

For years I have stood on the outside looking in, always lost in the wilderness, standing at the windows looking in at the unattainable, the happy normal life I never had, nor could ever aspire to. For years I have run from the lost and broken child, battered half to death by “parents” that care, for years all I have sought is to live in the normal world like the normals do.

I have tried and tried, until now so tiered of trying I rolled those dice and gambled hard, the world fell in and now seeks once more to strangle me, you would think after years of trying I would be wise, creatures of the shadows have no place in the light, and when they step forth and try, the very light itself will seek to destroy and drain all life from with in.

I am too lost to be saved, to hard to care, never before have I been surrounded by so many people yet been so alone, and the pain inside, the thoughts that run through my mind, this is my time in the wild, back in the ground that I belong, I am the huner, the shadow of the night, I am too lost to be saved.

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~ by Duma Key on July 13, 2009.

8 Responses to “Too Lost to be saved…….”

  1. such a dark entry, hope you’re ok

  2. I LOVE yr efforts, strength to you, achy cousin
    please keep on w/yr provocative imagery
    thanx

  3. This is, indeed, dark. I marvel that although in the place you described, you still find the generousity to share your thoughts about it.

  4. Where are you? Hope everything is okay.

  5. I hear you, this time in the wilderness has strangled me too, but we have to hold on to the thought that why this is our season to be alone, seasons always pass and a new one will bring new things!

    I haven’t been back here in a while, my journey has taken me full circle and I am back where I started – said goodbye to Spain – but don’t think I am not thinking of you, because I am. Maybe we should be thankful that somewhere in this wilderness we know there is another feeling the same way!

    • Thanks Lou-Lou for your comments and thoughts. This time is hard and darkness holds fast, the urge to seek and destroy lays strong and so to the urge to run. I see no way forwards from the relentless rain that sets in now, as day by day the world sinks.
      My thoughts are with you to, I know this time for you is also hard and can only hope that soon the sun comes down to bear once more upon your world and all spins round for you. Though I understand you have been away awhile, I miss your posts!

  6. I came looking for Duma Key, for signs of life, and find them from Lou-Lou too [I’ve been wondering]. It’s a very special friend who can feel the dark in you, giving encouragment, even while still feeling it themselves.
    Never give up. Peace to both of you.
    –Pearl

  7. Impressive Article , I thought it was wonderful

    I look ahead to more interesting postings like this one. Does Your Blog have a newsletter I can subscribe to for anymore information from you?

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