Thoughts and fears……..

Time is moving ever closer to that fateful hour where in the balance hangs my dreams and the start of tomorrow and tomorrow ever after. To say that I am worried now is an understatement, the rain pours down with no stay of execution and the winds now gather pace, and tomorrow gives me chance of lands long since lost, a respite from the storm and the chance of a future.

Thoughts race through my mind, dreams of impossible questions, self doubt and what if, mixed like a fine wine with the slightest trace of hope, may be, just may be I can do this and in so doing navigate this storm and land once more upon the shores of earth and breath sweet summer sun.

I keep thinking now of questions they will ask, embellishments upon my CV, how best to sell myself and win the prize, a job a means to stem the tide. It all just seems to perfect, all seems to fit, a change in direction, a job, a means and way forward at a point where I need it most. This opportunity can turn the whole of my world around, yet what stands between me and it, is the vast unknown, the unknown entities that also compete for this position, the unknown people that will ask the questions to get the answers to make the choice, I have made it this far, but worry the race is now over and the finish line is out of sight.

I want to write tomorrow on this page with positivity and hope, set new blooms in the garden bed of life and be able to finally see my way forwards, I am afraid that after tomorrow all hope will be gone, this chance stolen, lost eternal and all consuming darkness will flow in once more, and I am not sure that this time I will have the strength to hold on.

I have never seen the world so harsh and cold, and the lack of work out there. I have sent of hundreds of applications in an aim to get a job and this is the only one that has returned even interview stage, the strangest part of all this is probably the most ideal position for me….I prey and hold my breath, I worry and I fear, and I hope will all my mind and soul that I do not return here tomorrow with all hope gone for I simply do not know what I will do…………..

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~ by Duma Key on June 17, 2009.

3 Responses to “Thoughts and fears……..”

  1. thank you for your words, i’m actually a little nervous about the gala, espcially because i’m being paid

    good luck, i really hope everything turns out okay for you
    you deserve it!
    try to remain positive, think of each ‘nock back’ as a stepping stone, a learning curve & good practise for when the right job for you comes along

    dafohkoj;lbnm;lklohlhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

  2. FUDGE! sorry about the gargon my dog decided to walk on my laptop haha
    :/

    keep me updated on how it all goes for you 🙂

  3. May I begin by saying, in retrospect… thoughts and fears eventually become reality. For better or worse, and we coexist with our realities…

    The real reason for my comment is the first two paragraphs of this piece. They are beautiful and philosophically haunting. It is amazing how words begin to travel on a road… I felt I was in the thoughts and fears… eloquently put

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