The storm still rages on…..

Another few days passes, still no news, on-line application shows under line review, I have no idea what this means, are they still considering me or have they simply rejected my application? Is it me? whats wrong with me? Holding on for hope that now seems more and more in-vain.

I don’t know what to do, the little money that I hold leaks fast and thick and things are becoming much more worse, and what do I do? How do I solve the problem? how do I escape this mess? The answer is simple, I cant. Caught up now in the fisherman’s net the more I struggle to break free the more tangled I become, the more trapped and twisted, until the thrashing stops and exhaustion sets in, the inevitable acceptance of the final destination.

I am going mad, I am stressed to the hilt with no outlet, no vent, no way out, every single angle seems blocked, what the hell am I supposed to do? I find myself calling to an empty room for help, a voiceless presence that seems not there, and no answer do I find.

I am fighting the darker thoughts that plague my mind, fighting the blackness held with in and still on and on it tries to breakdown the doors, batter down the hatches and slip back in….and o it would be so easy, so so easy to slip away, begone, no more this worry, no more the wolf upon my door, just sleep eternal sleep.

The Storm now full engulfed and I see now way through, it grips and wave after wave comes crashing down, the ship begins to leak boards begin to break and I am left with nothing but a dream of waters calm and a summer sun so long since forgotten.


~ by Duma Key on June 9, 2009.

16 Responses to “The storm still rages on…..”

  1. Time to float above this mess and observe from a far. There exists an avenue out, however you are too close to see it …

  2. You said…”Caught up now in the fisherman’s net the more I struggle to break free the more tangled I become” – the key is stop struggling. . . . release your obsesive need to struggle against the fisherman’s net…the forces of nature will then set you free. The more you struggle, the faster you deplete needed oxygen. Release, relax, receive.

    As always, I love you Duma Key. Remember to release, relax, receive!!!!

    • So hard when all I have ever know is here and I have to watch it all just drift away and die….!
      Thank you for you kind comments and thoughts

  3. I don’t know what exactly is going on in your life. I pray that everything will be fine for you. Take care!

  4. D you meditate, Duma? Just curious. Sometimes it is helpful to get out of the forest so that one can see the entire landscape. Hang in there. You are loved and supported.

  5. I hope you can get out of it too. I am sure there are things you can do, but they just haven’t become obvious yet. Perhaps meditation would be a good idea, like Molly suggested. Thank you for visiting my blog and leaving all those comments. I’m sorry to hear things are so hard for you at the moment, though.

  6. Hey Duma Key, we all have such days or years, hang in there, things will change, they always do. And believe in yourself, if it doesnt happen, something else will, keep trying,

    also try to take stock of what you have and what you need, and how to bridge the gap, along with a time frame. if the list is small and clear, theres an excellent chance it will happen, we get what we want and what we work for and that is the whole truth!

  7. I read these words and I remember the times when I was sinking… the only thing to do was stop… I fell to my knees, the tears fell to the floor, the sobs which escaped my throat where not my own… they were deep and full of pain… it seemed to never end…

    then I woke up, I must have fallen asleep in my tears, in my fears… but the tears dried on their own. The fears left when I was too exhausted to feed them…

    In the darkest of nights, remember the sun still exists… In the saddest of times, remember there will be another time to laugh and love…

    I send you love, light and blessings… Peace to You DumaKey

  8. leaving much LOVE, many HUGS and a many KISSES for ya…

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