Riding the Roller-Coaster

I am riding the roller-coaster, spinning out of control, Up and down, round and round, here and there the colours blur, everything is as it was yet nothing is, I am here, I am there, the rules are blurred and I am drawing things in. Air is slipping away from me, the world is a blur, the colours collide, I can not see, slipping away.

I skipped the office this week, two solid days with many things to do, I just didn’t want to be there. I never not work. I am loosing my grip, the wine is flowing, the party is strong. I know I should stop, but the beat and the tempo the music is king. Up and down, round and round the roller-coaster spins out of control.

I know I should run, let it all go, escape the grip of the climbing walls, yet still I stay. Words fall from my mouth, not my words, they come from a stranger, but the stranger is me. I cant find the answers and lost the key, round and round, up and down the roller-coaster I ride, spins out of control.

I could stop this, I could make it end, I am throwing it in and running away, out of control, letting life stem the tides, messing it all up, but that’s all I know. Fighting my way, pushing and pulling, I lost the reason the core of it all. Wine flows much more the music is strong, I am fighting a fight for the sake of the fight.

Blood flows I know it is wrong, I want to hurt them like they made me hurt. I care not for this life or this world or this place. The roller-coaster I ride will lead to the end. More wine, by the glass the bottle who cares…! Vodka is next, Smirnoff my friend.

I am going to hurt her of this I am sure, I all I do is cause hurt, all I do is cause pain. If only I could lock myself away stop the flow that forces through me. I used to believe in a god, but left bleeding alone on the floor, incapable of understanding, I saw there was none, while the good and the week, lay rotting and starving and the dark and the evil survive, when you strive for an end you never can reach, you realise that good is a word and only a word.

Sweet angel of light, escape while you can don’t get drawn in this race, pulled in on my ride.

I am riding a roller-coaster out of control.


~ by Duma Key on September 14, 2008.

4 Responses to “Riding the Roller-Coaster”

  1. what an intense set of emotions you portrayed for us here.. spinning and dodging and running and knowing all the while,, it isn’t whats right,, it isn’t whats best,, but its the best that you can do…. extremely powerful… email if i can help….

  2. don’t lose your grip… just follow the music 🙂

  3. Phew! Reading this gave a gush of emotions in my mind. Hang on tight. You can’t stop the roller-coaster of Life but never lose your grip. You’ll get flung that way. I agree with Paisley. Do the best you can, not what others think is the best.

    Imagine a journey. Look at the sceneries as you go. If your destination wasn’t what you expected, at least there should be a scenery along the way (if not some) that is truly a beautiful gift. If I can be of any help, feel free to ask.

    Anyhow, take care for now 🙂

  4. Reading this reminded me of an Alanis Morrisette song that I relate to a lot. I think I will post it in my blog, its for you too even though its wrote for a girl the lyrics apply just as much to you.

    Your riding a roller coaster in your mind, your feeling out of control because you entering on new territories that you don’t understand, but sometimes you have to ride the highs, take the lows to get where your going. The rail isn’t going to be smooth, there are going to be broken tracks and obstacles every step of the way but your get there … I know your get wherever it is your supposed to be, and your supposed to be in the light, even if the darkness has been your friend and confidant for as long as you remember the light will eventually shine on you.

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