Weekend Thought!

Monday gives way to the start of one more week, as I sit in the office surrounded by piles of paper, unseen words that feed the mind, searching for inspiration, just something to hold on to! The dragon sits breathing fire the other side of the room, I wish she would just vanish. At the moment she is playing two people off against each other, delighted in the trouble she causes, I so hate people like this.

It feels like five minutes since I left here on Friday, the time slipped away at remarkable speed, its like it vanishes, there is some void between 5pm on Friday and 8.30am on Monday (well more like 9am when I actually turn up here!). I look at the clock and one minute its 5pm Friday the next its 8am Monday! The bit in-between gone, like magic and I am left wondering what the heck happened to my weekend. I hate Mondays.

Its been a rather interesting weekend, with most of my time spent at the pub, at last things seem to be on the up there. Friday planning a nice evening home, alone, a few Ice cold beers and some cheesy TV, just me and my thoughts. My phone beeps and strangely I smile as I see a text from Abi, just by the tone I can see she is stressed, she does to much. Oddly enough I find myself changing and heading over to the pub, easing the pressure for her, giving her breathing space. My quite night in forgotten the Ice cold beer unopened in my fridge.

Saturday is rush day, car tax needs doing, more money to hand over to a government that wastes it with needless rubbish and mindless games, cleaning and washing. Saturday evening at the pub. A steady night, with a stream of customers flowing, not quite what I want but a massive improvement on what was. Strangely enough I am more drawn to Abi, this is a deadly dance and I know that I should stem this, but somehow when I see her, when I hear from her, I become powerless to do so.

Sunday more customers that tables, I on my bar, Abi on the carvery its amazing how smooth we make things, how easily it flows, the staff have direction we hold control, the whole place rocks like a well oiled machine, I am struggling to hold myself together. As 3pm dawns the pace slackens and we find time to pause and eat together. Stealing a few quite moments on the sofa upstairs, before the next rush starts.

I am not like this, I do not do these things, she is my friend. This is madness its not even about the physical, more just who she is, the more I think the more I see and what worries me now is how I was so blind, I should have seen this coming, the signs where there, and yet did not holding on to our friendship, seeing only this.

As I lock the doors and set the alarm, the whole building groans as she rests, her business done for the day, her once bustling walls now silent as night, empty, resting, waiting for the dawn of Monday, I can not help myself but wonder why I just want to slip into Abi’s arms and sleep. In the flat once more, words flow and my laptop burns, somehow there seems to be something trying to break through, the ice cold beer from Friday night slips down as I type, as  the beat of the music in my mind transcends through my body and spills out on to the once blank pages before me.

I read back my words and wonder from where they came, its true I typed, but the words only borrowed my body for a while, to give themselves life. This is profound, its a strange new style.

Now Monday sits and much to do, holding out for Friday. From office to pub another long day.

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~ by Duma Key on September 1, 2008.

2 Responses to “Weekend Thought!”

  1. I remember the dreaded Monday morning feeling … its been so long since I worked days that now I just dread the onset of every evening!

    Looks like I am ahead of you in the running apartment, I ran out here to Spain a year ago! Your right though, I know I am trying to run from me, from my past, but I never can. But its like I have this feeling that the more distance I put between that and now – the more distance I can put between the person I was and the person I am slowly trying to become.

    Being let down is horrible – though I think I expect too much from people sometimes anyway. But that’s a different conversation.

    I know its not what you want to hear but I am actually egging on the you and Abi situation, I want you to open up your heart and mind to the possibility of love in its purest form, I feel from your words that she can give you this, but I also understand your fear, your compulsion to be alone where nothing can hurt or you cannot hurt. If only life was simply black and white – its those shades of red that always get us down!

  2. Mondays are great! But sometimes if I have a nice weekend I think Mondays can be hassles too!

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