Love, Relationships and the dating game!

I have been giving a lot of thought of late to relationships, and exactly what that means. I have many friends who strive for relationships, sniff them out and jump both feet first into these things, and once in search for the best way out!

As more and more of my friends slip deeper and deeper in to the shark infested waters of intimate relationships, start to settle down and build lives together, if find I see less and less of them, how easily the bonds of old slip now for the ties of new. Not that I mind.

Suddenly my friends are not the same people anymore, they transform, things they once hated they now love, swapping out the old for the face of the new, trading in themselves for a dream of happy ever after. Buying into that dream. The I becomes we, and when we do meet up for that long promised drink and catch up, the eternal question rings, “So are you seeing anybody?” and I end up feeling like I should apologise, for saying “no.”

I stayed away from relationships for a while, keeping clear of the bite, side stepping the casual advance, I needed time to figure out myself, and build around me my own life, my own world. From early on I made the mistakes of youth jumping from one relationship to another, then another, but never really knowing me.  So I paused to find myself.

Some of my friends are desperate to head into relationships, others afraid of being on there own, left on that eternal shelf with what they deem as reject stamped upon the heads. I see them clamour to find new partners or hold on like glue to partners that are not good for them, like Julie does with Andy. The pattern there the same, he cheats, she catches, he promises to be good, she forgives, he cheats and on and on it goes. The entire 8 years I have known her, this pattern continues. Then there is Chris, so desperate for a girlfriend, that any passing female is open game, a nice guy, who would not intentional hurt anyone, yet through his over bearing care tends to suffocate the life before it begins. A passing smile from a casual stranger, for Chris sparks the most intimate of meanings and hot pursuit begins. I fear he sees having a girlfriend a necessity, a must have, or there is something wrong with him, a victim of needless social programing.

There seems to be so many reasons for being in a relationship, Julie argues that she does not want to be on her own, and so stays with Andy and lets him cheat. Abi searches also for potental partners, Jules clings on to hers with deep dark lies and games, Debbie throws her self well in, Becca drinks way to much, Chris just trys and trys, Kat and Johnny slowly begin, all trying to find there way in the shark infested waters of the relationship sea. I wonder how truly happy they really are.

For me being in that kind of deep intimate relationship is more than just the token partner, its more than putting up with what I am unhappy with, its connection a deep and meaningful connection that works, where open lines of communication prevail. The good comes with the bad, the melody that in time fine tunes and stands as one, issuing forth such sweet music that you can not help but stand and stare, pause and listen just one second longer. I could not be true to myself hanging on to lies, or empty promises of a tomorrow we both know would never come. Nor could I stay with someone just to avoid being alone, I am actually growing rather fond of my place upon this shelf! I don’t want to buy into a dream of sub-urban living and a family pet, 2.4 children, neat little picket hedges, freshly trimmed lawns, rows and rows of semi detached houses that mask unhappy life’s and broken promises, shattered dreams of a happy ever after, that never comes. I would be selling myself out, putting up the for sale sign, and running out on me.

Yet somehow still I seek, Its been a while since I engaged in the dating game, I joined an on-line site. With words I work day in day out but when it came to advertising myself, selling me, writing up my own profile, the words I sought became impossible to grasp. Harder still the attempts I made to contact others, fall upon death ears, not even a response. Leaves you wondering what is wrong, is it you or them.

To be honest I am not really sure now where to begin, how do you put across yourself in 100 words and miss nothing? How do you sell yourself, and how did it all become complicated. Some friends (not close) search points like, car and job, I wondered then if my car is good enough, do I earn enough to be attractive. Then I sell myself out, fancy cars and a world full of material things, suit me not, I don’t agree so I avoid. The whole game of dating is so complicated these days, when all I seek is honest open chat, my mind draws back to a book I read some time ago, “Essays in Love” a deep and stimulating read on the whole concept of relationships, the stages. Do I really want just stages in a game? There are to many games, and trades in life as it is, so what do I search? Honesty, truth and freedom, freedom to grow, believe and develop, a unique bond.

I heard somewhere a story of old, each soul splits into two, floats off and the each life spends its time searching for the other half of it, the soul to become complete.

Nice idea for a Friday afternoon!

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~ by Duma Key on August 22, 2008.

4 Responses to “Love, Relationships and the dating game!”

  1. Nice blog man. Really liked it. Kinda relates whats happening to my friends also. each one is ready to dive into a relationship just to satisfy their infatuation. I also made the mistake of jumping into the thing once but now quite wary of it.

  2. […] you a secret, my dear readers (my blogging family, mostly). I was naïve when it comes to these so-called love-relationships, in a sense that I […]

  3. This is a great essay… I understand where you are coming from… Relationships are funny… I am not speaking of Love… they are two different things, most of what you speak of can be applied to more than this aspect of Life and I find it interesting… Some may be guilty of selling out in relationships, while others sell out in Life… which is worse? Kudos~truly great essay… Great Friday thoughts!

  4. Nice article. Like Enreal, I feel relationships are not the same as love. It is such a blessing when we can have a good relationship with those we love don’t you think? Again, great article! Thanks for creating. Peace, Light and Love. . . Cordieb.

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