Tuesday

Tuesday afternoon at work once again, more and more of my time is work and less and less I have to show for it. Last night for some strange reason the pub was busy, Monday is normally quite, and I had planned to lock up about 10 and have an early night.

Car after car pulled up on the car park, I didn’t lock up till 12.30! By the time I was in bed it was 1am and then up for the office at 7, though I over slept and was a little late in, the phone all morning has been none stop and I am struggling to keep up. At least this evening I have a night off, to myself.

I wonder just how I got caught up in all this, Just another pawn on the chess board of life. There was a time when I rebelled against all this, swore I would never let myself get tied into the endless cycle of nothingness that now becomes my life. Just where did it go wrong?

I think reality crept up on me, stage by stage, and slowly ideal upon ideal slipped beyond my grasp and so I just continued on this path going nowhere. I sometimes feel like a passenger on the bus route of life, looking out a window at a world that passes me by. I wonder what the point is.

I long to slip free from all of this, the mundane and the boring, to live on the edge of things, free from the ties that bind. I long to find a place where freedom lays, where I can build my life. May be to find another that I can share my space with, link up above break the two dimensional mould, make a new.

I have always been a deep thinker, sometimes that is much of my problem, I seek more than just the answer but the reason, and the reason for that reason, I can not accept what is with out knowing why. Little phases me, I don’t get shocked or bothered by other view’s or others thoughts. I have a drive that with in me accepts and that which I do not understand, I take on board and try to understand. Just because black is black doesn’t always mean its right, colours exist with in, its just taking the time to see and understand.

Who defines whats right and wrong, how can we know that this is right or this is wrong? Nothing can ever be that simple. I try to view to learn, to see and understand, may be I will agree may, be I will disagree, but ultimately I will respect the choices of those around. I try to look at the world though a different view see around the corners, each has a reason each has a right, and freedom exists when we take the time to understand and accept.

I don’t want to become the norm, be part of a population that is bound by a routine that is nothing more than actions, an inanimate object merely awaits to react to external stimuli, I do not. I seek more from people, from with in, a higher understanding a deeper level of consciousness, awareness of environment.

I think it is a constant re-evaluation of character of self, that makes us who we are. We can stand static and accept what is, or we can accept that we have faults and issues, we can learn to evolve around those issues, we can draw lessons from our past and use them to make our futures, we can find freedom in the very things that often bind and tie us down.

Every question has an answer, ever answer a question, but its the bit that comes before that is important not the problem or the solution.

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~ by Duma Key on July 8, 2008.

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