Pointlessness of Life

Sometimes I wish I could just curl up and sleep, escape the madness of this world around me. Everything is crazy nothing make sense anymore, and I am so tired of fighting it all. Trying to build on blocks that crumble to sand with in my hands.

I am sure there once was a purpose to life, but think somewhere in all this madness that true and pure meaning has become lost, confused, forgotten. All I see is an endless circle of nothingness, empty movements, the melody that once was life has become confused within itself, its lost its pitch is rhythm, its tune, becoming nothing more than a blur of noise. I think if you stand on the edge, and listen really listen the notes come through the melody of life is there, its just so hard to see these days.

All I know is that I am tired so tired of trying to live in a world that makes no sense to me. Empty bottles of wine, beer cans, discarded ashtrays, remnants of a broken world. I do not know the beginning and seem so far from the end, stuck in the middle plodding on and on in darkness.

Often I wonder if I could just turn off my thoughts, switch off my mind, may be it would be better at least then I wouldn’t be thinking; wondering; exactly where I am going and what is the point to the madness I see. I guess its just me, I really don’t think I belong.

Nothing ever seems right nothing fits, every time I move forwards I end up moving backwards further. I don’t know what to do, all I know is that I have had enough of trying. Its like I have this jigsaw in pieces around me, I can see the pieces and try as hard as I can I can not make them fit, make the image come. I pull and push the pieces make the frame and still it is not right, no mater how many times I put the puzzle together the image still evades me. Its hard to see the sun when all you know is shadows of a yesterday long gone.

I search and search for meaning for value, I am lost forgotten in this maze, I dont even know now why I am wandering around, turning left and right trying to make the best of the tools I have been given, with the prospect of another 30 – 40 more years of this looming up ahead. Will it ever end?

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~ by Duma Key on July 1, 2008.

One Response to “Pointlessness of Life”

  1. I do not have all the answers. But speaking from personal experience when I was lost in this trance a few years ago, I came to realize the meaning of the existence of individuals: it is to touch the life of others.
    We may not all achieve wealth, fame, success – but if your existence and being can somehow touch others – even just as a shoulder to cry on, make someone laugh, taught something valuable – then your life is not a waste. And I think that’s the beginning to realize the meaning of life :]

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