Tragic loss and old ghosts………!
Couple of days since I last blogged, jumping from daylight hours back to night time hours always puts a strain on me, mixed with the fact Sunday I managed to work a full 20 hours, my brain and body felt a little fried.
So we will keep it nice and light today, last few posts been a touch deep.
Loss of any kind is always hard for us to deal with. Today sadly, I have suffered a loss, the death of my favourite drinking glass. At about 7:30 this evening whilst washing the dishes, my glass passed away.
I am rather upset about this, that glass and I have become quite close over the last couple of years. We shared so much together, from orange juice to vodka, good times and bad times, that glass has been there beside me. The first thing I reach for in a morning and the last thing I see at night.
Considering maybe having a little funeral for it, give it a decent burial and a proper send off, a few moments to remember, perhaps even dig it a little grave in the garden, a tomb stone and some flowers……ok that’s going a bit too far! But you get the idea. No other glass in my cupboard can takes its place, a very tragic loss indeed, though it did not go down with out a fight, I have a very nasty gash to prove it.
Logged on to my Facebook this morning after I finished work, whilst sat with my croissant and orange juice (in departed favourite glass, rest it’s soul) and up popped a message, just a little message that read:-
“Your a Prick”
That’s was all it said, nothing more, nothing less, at first I was a little perplexed by the sender, some girl, no mutual friends, rather random, then all of a sudden the lights came on and I remembered she was indeed an age old Ex.
When I say old, she was from my late teens, I am now 34 so a few years have gone by since I lost saw that one.
So after X amount of years up she pops on good old Facebook. Not sure what bothers me the most, the fact that after all this time, she went to the effort to track me down or the fact that after all this time she still considers me a prick, when I barely even recalled her.
She is in essence quite right, at that time I was a prick, young stupid and wild. In fact I think we split after she caught me in bed with her sister. She was most unhappy about that and that upon discovery I asked if she would care to join us! Caught red handed, may as well make the most of it!
But to actually feel compelled to search me out after all this time, just to tell me I am a prick worries me, clearly my bad behaviour has effected her in some way and for that I am sorry, another of my many life f@ck ups.
Left me in a somewhat awkward position, do I reply and apologise for my bad behaviour, drag up old ghosts from the closet and try to show that I am no longer a prick, but what then? Or do I simply ignore it and imply by my ignorance that I am still a prick?
This on top of my tragic loss……!
Now for the deeper bit……..
Reminded me though that the actions of today can and do effect the life’s of those around us, our bad behaviour causes ripples, negative effects, my bad behaviour rippled through and popped up as a bubble on my screen today, reminding me of what I once was and what I chose to do. I do not know the effects I had on this girl.
We can’t change the past, I can’t go back and undo what is done, lost in yesterday. What I can do though is put it right through the actions of today and tomorrow, by being better at what I do and who I am, ensuring that the actions I have in the life’s of others are always positive, always good and always right.
The ripples I send into tomorrow have to be those of love, honesty and integrity and hopefully these ripples will spin off into better things, link paths and in small ways change the very nature of my footprint for light not dark.
Putting right the wrongs of yesterday in the lives of tomorrow.
My thoughts for these early hours.
(In mourning for my favourite glass)