Thursday and time slips by unwatched

Less than 24 hours to go now, then I am away. Nothing is packed nothing is organised and I need to be ready for 8am!

This evening I have to leave here and go to the pub, so much to do there, I doubt I will be away early, I doubt that I will be ready for a trip I do not want to take.

Already fear builds up inside me, I know what it will be like, me and them. Me alone wandering of in the thoughts of my mind, having to pretend to make an effort with people I hardly even know now, and know so little about me. How did it end up like this?

Time is a blur, it seemed ages away when the idea first came about, it was like back then it would be an age yet now feels only like yesterday, it is strange how time can have that effect slippery as an eel, the things we dread advance with speed, time slips away and the things we want to come take such an age as time drags her heels.

The clock ticks on hour by hour I move towards this nightmare that looms, no one around me actually knows what I am thinking, I am so good with the smile and style, always composed always the sane and sensible one, full of advise and wise words. If only they knew what was going on in my head, if only they saw what I see. I feel like a fake.

Rain falls once more, at least one thing I will escape the rain, I hate rain, but its all I ever seem to see these days.

I am going to have to do some serious thinking while I am away, I know this but I know not which direction to move in.

I need a new toothbrush!

~ by Duma Key on July 17, 2008.